in the last 60 days how many conversations have you and W had about your marriage? who has initiated them usually? is there a pattern to the course and outcome of these conversations?
none of us has a divining rod to read other people's minds or know the future course of events. and in the day to day trenches of this intense relationship uncertainty, things can get even more confusing and uncertain. people don't always mean what they say or say what they mean.
yet, if there are 100 DBers on this site, i would guess that a fairly good percentage of them are in situations where the withdrawing spouse truly is uncertain. and that's why i think the first rule of divorce busting triage is to stop directly pursuing your partner to save your marriage. this just gets people to both internally (with themselves) and externally (with you) go into justifying, defending and solidifying their actions.
one thing your W did that does get my attention more than words or intentional actions - its her spontaneous emotional reaction when you look like you're the one getting ready to throw in the towel. that definitely says something to me.
have you tried going dark for a couple days to see what happens?
