Thanks all for the IC advice. I assure you, I will take all of it. To summarize: zip it, listen, NEVER interrupt, validate, stay calm and fairly unemotional.
So here's today's oddball Crimson/W update:
Today was my day to pick up son. I was out running errands this afternoon and my wife asked if I wanted to meet at this park by the house at 4:30. There is a quarter mile paved circular walkway there and she said he wanted to show me his "bike" (little radio flyer 3-wheeler that I can steer). I agreed and at about 4:15 I got a note from my W saying they were already there and I can come by whenever I was ready. I hopped in the car and headed over. I parked next to her and saw them walking up to the playground about 75 yards in front of me. S saw me and excitedly exclaimed "DADDY!! DADDY!!" - gotta tell you, that melts my heart. He hopped off of his little bike and ran straight to me - big spinning hug.
So, I was expecting W to do the "hand-off-and-run", but she kept walking with me and S as I pushed his bike. Again, it felt like we were a family and I felt sooooo stinking good in that moment. We walked around the paved track of the park just talking....she was telling me that he suddenly likes watching Fat Albert (odd) and we just kinda shared stories about him showing signs of the terrible twos. It was pleasant - and felt like I was talking to an old friend I hadn't seen in months (of course, she looked beautiful). We walked to the playground equipment - well, rather I chased after son saying "gonna get you!" while he ran from me and squealed in pure delight.
I walked around the playground equipment with him and my W, still talking and watching S. So I climbed up a little staircase with him to a slide and asked W some meaningless question and she gave an odd monosyllabic response. She was walking away from me and S and I could tell something was sorta bothering her. It was a very cloudy day, but I saw her put her sunglasses on - she was trying to hide tears. She walked to get his bike and S and I climbed down the stairs. I could tell the change in her affect for sure. But she still talked, and was pleasant.
We headed back to our cars in the parking lot and said our goodbyes. I gave her the old car charger and wall charger for my now-replaced BlackBerry. I could see her suppressing her sadness. I held S and said "say bye-bye mommy". Of course he did and she gave him a little kiss. She turned away and got into her car. I loaded S into his seat in my car. I turned around to see my W turning out of the park and onto the main street heading home. I am pretty sure I saw her wiping away tears.
In that moment, my heart broke for her and I didn't want her to be away from our S because I know how awful it feels and I always tear up when I drop him off with her. It just feels bad to see her hurt....it feels bad for us to be apart and not with our son. Being together with the three of us laughing, playing and talking just felt so uplifting.....no fights....no D talk....just the three of us living again. I would do almost anything to have that back.
So then, my head starts screwing with me and searching for answers....."well, Crimson, maybe she was crying because she realizes she doesn't love you anymore" - and so on. Ridiculous mind-reading, I know. But my head always goes to the worst possible circumstance for me....and that would be it.
The whole incident makes me nervous and apprehensive about the pending MC session (I actually bought new pants and a new shirt for it....crazy, I know). I know I might be at the beginning of a new phase with her - but my heart wants it to be reconciliation and not "acceptance of separation and divorce". *SIGH* I love and miss my family.
Don't know how to read today's interaction. Kinda glad she suggested the park - she could have just dropped him at the house and this gave us some time to interact. I was happy about that. I just wonder what she was crying about and why....I know, I know....get out of her head.
