Fastest trip to the ER ever!

Baby has an upper respiratory infection frown No meds, just fluids, rest and let it run it's course... so that means more sleepless nights and fussy baby. I'm jsut glad he didn't get what OW's D6 had yesterday- strep and scarlett fever! We use the same ER, and there was a nurse on staff that remembered D6 from yesterday- so I didn't have to give to much background info smile

I text H to let him know what the doc said, no response. Then I got one a few minutes later saying: "I'm navigating for {friend] to the gun show, I'll call you in a few." At least he didn't completely ignore me.

I even got a text from OW today asking how baby was. I simply said that I was at the ER with him. Then I got a text from her (after I sent the one to H) that she was glad it wasn't something more serious (I assume H told her what my text said) I just said "thanks".

[I actually text her and left a VM about my concern for D6- I wasn't trying to make her feel guilty, but I still care about the kids- and I don't want them to think that I've abandoned them. She had sent me a few updates over the day, I never responded with feelings about her- only focused on D6... so I guess she was doing the same today]

Aside from everything that's happening, I really miss my BFF. I miss being able to call her when I'm upset, when something is funny, when I just need to talk... we were always there for each other in those ways. We would talk up to 15 times a day and we would get together at least 4 times a week and every weekend.

I haven't spoken to her in exactly 1 week. In 6 years of friendship, this has NEVER happened. I can't understand how she is able to shut me off like that. She claims that she still hasn't made a decision (I know this because of D16)... but she isn't even trying to apologize or fight for my friendship... makes me wonder if she was ever *really* my friend.

I think H and she are cowards. They have both left their Ms for different reasons, and instead of putting them selves out there and try to meet new people and do new things.... they are staying in their comfort zone by picking someone they already have a friendship with and just 'see where it goes'. H has even tried to justify his choice by telling me: "I would rather *know* if there could be something with her than just stay friends and always wonder." (gag!)

I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want to wonder what the two of them are doing... I feel like I'm going through 2 divorces: from my H and from BFF. It's the same feelings of loss and both have caused a MAJOR change in life as I knew it.

I'm still thinking about taking a few weeks to myself in February (I have to stay here until Jan. 27, when I have a doctor's appointment.) What's your thoughts?
Will I be viewed as a coward? Someone who just tucks her tail and runs away, as if I did something wrong. Am I being too selfish? I don't want to leave my kids, but I do know that I am not in my right mind to be able to be the mom I need to be for them.

Does it take more strength to stay? Or more strength to recognize/accept your own inabilities and take steps to fix them?


M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12