So what do I do in IC if W gets angry? Or starts crying? My overall plan is to just sit back and listen and stay way the hell out of defensive mode. Nervous.....just trying to prepare.
Crimson
1) thank God she's not indifferent, b/c it means at some level, she still cares...
2) take a breath before you say ANYTHING, and think out how your tone MUST be different.
The content is lost, often totally, if delivered in a way that SOUNDS like anger or frustration on your end. Be the Dalai Lama if you have to...or at least, sound like him.
3) if she revises things too much -- for you--say "Wow, w, I sure don't recall it that way but I'm sorry you were upset/hurt by that."
4) IF she makes a valid complaint, partially or fully, and you have regrets
you say "Yes w, I'm sorry for that. IF I had it to do all over again, there are a Lot of things I'd do differently."
Neither answer escalates and both validate her perception without you being a doormat. I sometimes leave out the "I'm sorry" for others b/c they are too beaten down already
but in your sitch since it IS a message you want her to get, I might leave that in... You must get across your ability to change AND that change has already started. The goal is her learning to accept that. And read that letter from a WAW to her h to recall things from your w's perception...(Did I post it to you already? Let me know)
5) If she says something you simply have no answer for, you can say, "I bet there's a perfect response to that, but it just escapes me at the moment...I promise to ponder it carefully."
IF she asks how YOU feel, make sure you know if she's asking about how you feel for her, or about yourself. Then keep it simple.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
