Retrouvaille means change

[angel61]

There's two of us now telling you to zip it up - we both have been there, done that.

Trust us! Stop asking everything! BTW, remember that everything you tell his relatives will reach him one of these days.... blood is thicker than water, and I learned my lessons the hard way, and no matter how close they are to you, they will try to "help" by interfering, which will ultimately be detrimental to your R.

Again, the ground rules: No talking about anything to your H, even if he initiates it, change the topic!!!!

[angel61]

Hopefull, Did you go? How was it?

[hopefull79]

OMG...I'm still recovering. Not sure yet where we are going to go, however, I did write a HUGE journal entry that I'm sending to my close friends and family members, and my husband...that covers the adventure.
I didn't break any of the rules though, I did not break the first rule of Retrouvaille...and did not go into details as to exactly what will be faced, or what was faced. It's very vague, yet very deep...if anyone is wanting a good read, I can PM it to you. Warning, it's 9 pages long!

[TrentC]

OMG...I'm still recovering. Not sure yet where we are going to go, however, I did write a HUGE journal entry that I'm sending to my close friends and family members, and my husband...that covers the adventure.
I didn't break any of the rules though, I did not break the first rule of Retrouvaille...and did not go into details as to exactly what will be faced, or what was faced. It's very vague, yet very deep...if anyone is wanting a good read, I can PM it to you. Warning, it's 9 pages long!

Unfortunately, private messages are disabled; at least, they're not working for me.

So I'm assuming that you would say the weekend was worthwhile? How is he feeling about things right now? How are YOU feeling about things right now?

[angel61]

Hey, write a condensed version for us. Are you sure though that you would like to send that to your H? And all your family members? One of the things you learn in retrouvaille is not to tell much to everyone else, because it raises expectations, and also other peoples opinions can affect you. Remember, people all have different beliefs and levels of spirituality. Even my D sort of scoffs at us (she's a teenager) whenever we tell her she has t stay with friends for the day because we are going to attend a post. She once asked me if I believed that it would really work. I just told her "wait and see" but it sort of rocked my feelings.

I only confided to a couple of friends about what really happened - one who is a sort of spiritual nmentor to me, another who had the same thing happen to her and who is in piecing as well.

JOurnaling and pouring your heart out to your H will still be pressure, and will also overwhelm him.It is probably not in the category of "safe". Give him an emotional break. Just follow what Retrouvaille teaches - especially the 10/10 principle (you know that now, right?)There is a reason for this.

I hope you do get to attend the posts. They are very helpful.

[Lotus]

Hopeful,

I'd love to hear how things went at Retrouvaille. I'm sure you can find a way to give us some insight into the feelings and changes you and your H went through without revealing too much about the process.

And Trent. Hi! I haven't seen you post in a long time. Hope you are doing well, and not too flooded from the recent storms.

[25yearsmlc]

I do NOT know your sitch...I concede that up front...

And I assume you have some fantastic unusual (rare) reason for wanting to share with your family members--what happened at a retreat for married couples in crisis...

but I doubt it's a good enough reason.

What's the real goal? Are you trying to say "all is well now"? Did you feel guilty and want to know you've been forgiven now? I mean, WHY TELL them?

Just show them.

And I can't see how it does not break their rules or how it would help your h feel safe in sharing openly with you...

just a thought. I don't know your sitch but

I went to Retrovaille and have shared HERE, some of the things I've learned and one big breakthrough we had...but I shared MUCH less than that with my family and zero with his...other than "it helped us"...I let HIM talk to his family IF he wants to...but I find most men don't.

just mho

[TrentC]

Speaking from my own experience, 25yearsmlc is correct.

After my bomb drop, I told people things that I now wish I hadn't, because it's caused hard feelings among my wife and my family.

It's a passive-aggressive way of putting pressure on him, and you will make it harder for your husband to share his feelings openly with you if he thinks you are going to tell everyone he knows. Also, your friends and family may not want to know all of the details of what you went through, even if it looks like it might have a happy ending.

[Lotus]

Ditto.