I was paying for the wedding instead of paying for any household bills (mortgage, insurance, hydro, etc.). That was our deal.
There is a ton that I have not posted here, but for some reason it seems like people have the impression he was 'bad' before his deplo which he wasn't. He was great. Amazing. I was the one who had issues. There was one incident in a bar of him telling girls he was single so he could get attention. Wrong? Hell yes! Deal breaking? I don't think so. The reason I say the proposal was for me is, he gave me the ring a few months earlier than planned so I would feel happy. Since he was going to already be gone for the camping weekend he had originally planned to propose during, it made sense. One thing I should add. We didn't get more than a few days notice of his deplo, he is only one of a few trained to do his position so when it comes up, that's that
He hasnt done a lot right for a long time. Basically since he deployed. Looking at that and that only, I don't see things working out.
But I at least want to see with my own two eyes that it is the way it is.
He was an amazing and caring person before. Oh and his ex wife says the same things I do. We are of the same opinion. that we think he is going through some stuff in his head and we hope he can get through it, be he would have to decide that.
So for now, my tactic is to drop the rope but keep the end of it in sight for a bit. I don't really have a heck of a lot to lose at this point.
I am hoping the night he returns he will feel like talking and maybe let some angst out. Even if there is an ow, I'm kind of ok with that now. It is what it is. Whatever will be will be. It's a scary feeling, but this is out of my control.
