Hi! I discovered this site a few days ago and have been reading & learning so much. I'm so grateful to everyone who has shared their stories, as it's so reassuring to know that i am not alone.
as some background, my husband and i have been married for 3 years/ together for 8. he just turned 30, and i'm about to turn 30 in a few months. i'd always felt as though i married my best friend and although we always had our share of petty fights and disagreements, i always thought that these were minor and not symptoms of a larger problem. in addition, in the past, i'd always thought we were in agreement wrt to having kids and starting a family.
fairly recently, my husband started displaying many of the characteristics of an MLC, but given his relatively young age (30), i was hoping to get your feedback on if i'm on the right track:
- we've been fighting a lot lately for various reasons, such as he is no longer sure that he ever wanted kids - he's rewritten our history and has said that he is not sure if he ever loved me or has ever been completely honest with me - says that he's felt burdened his entire childhood (had to take care of his family financially when he was younger) and does not want to be furthered burdened by a family (wife & kids) - not sure if he wants to be married - says that he wants to be alone - currently acts as though he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. we'd always been a loving, close couple and now he flinches when i get close physically. rolls eyes & acts annoyed when I try to engage him in conversation. - says that he is angry all the time lately (but this seems to be directed just at me) - says that i am too needy & clingy (sees this as an added burden to him) - even though I have said that i will work on my issues, this does not seem to make a difference to him. - says he is not sure what will make him happy and thinks that being alone will be the solution to this
i guess my question is: how can i tell if this is truly a MLC or if this is just the normal breakdown of a marriage for reasons that have nothing to do with MLC/psychological reasons?
reasons why i think this may not be an MLC situation:
-he does not seem like he is depressed (he is functioning pretty well at work and socially & is friendly and normal to other people). the only person he is lashing out at is me. - his age is a lot younger than most MLC situations - there does not seem to be anyone else
to be honest, i'm kind of hoping that this IS an mlc situation, because I still love my husband so much, and this way, i have hope that he can get over this, and we can still have a future together. most days, i feel like this is such a small thing and that with some adjustments on both our parts, we can still be happy. but he seems to think this is a BIG thing, and can not be solved so easily. he has been spending a lot of time alone trying to figure out this "problem," which he has not been able to articulate to me.
thanks in advance for any insights you may have!!!
