Just back from hot yoga and i have to say i felt happy, like truly happy being there. it was the first time in 3 months that i've thought about something other than H and our R. I though nothing....i surrendered to it and it felt great. i know its short lived because as i walked out the door real life came flooding back but its nice to see that happiness still exists in me....somewhere. This is the kind of GAL i can get used to.
im REALLLY anxious about today. H is coming up to the house to discuss some finances and house stuff. Our last face to face was so bad (tears and fighting). I don't want that again. Since then i have made my way through DB book and have been taking a lot of notes from these boards. i am planning my stance for this evening and it goes like this: being calm and cheerful, dressed to ready to go out after he leaves i'm meeting up with a few friends - (so looking good), NO R TALK, ducking into the washroom to regroup i feel like i'm slipping back into my old ways of trying to tell him he is wrong and what he is doing is completely irrational. WISH ME LUCK!!
Since wednesday, i feel a little more comfortable in the fact that i need to let him go. And i need to spend that time to work on me and he has to sort himself out. He hasn't been alone with his thoughts in 3 months (he's been working pretty hard at avoiding them) and i think him moving out into a (very lonely) apartment is going to make him finally have to stop and think. OW doesn't live in the province so its not like she'll be over there all the time either and i take a small bit of comfort in that.
Looking for any suggestions on how to handle tonight!!!
Like that famous Seinfeld episode, try to "do the opposite". If you are tempted to criticize, compliment. If you are tempted to indicate your sadness, act like everything is fine.
It's hard, but look at it as just one night. Know you are strong and you can get through it. Surprise H and give him something to think about with your attitude and plans.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
H just left and if i look at what happened you can say it was successful (and uneventful but thats ok). i feel happy that i stuck to my db plan....We had this conversation in a different room that we usually do (i read in db about changing up the where) and it was a more relaxed. i let him take control of all the talking and was pretty quiet but relatively happy throughout. usually i'm the one in control of all that, and the chatty one.
There was no R talk at all...i think he was plugging me for it a bit...he kept saying is there anything you want to talk about...i kept saying no and he kept asking me if i was ok and i said yeah i'm fine. I think it threw him for a bit of a loop. He was the one who brought up the email i sent him earlier this week and just said he appreciated it and that i was right that its going to be good for him to get out on his own (away from his buddy's basement) and he said to really think about things. i wanted to get into it a bit more but resisted and just said cool.
Accuray, as for giving him something to think about...i did that too and he was visibly suprised by what i said.. we talked casually about the house and he asked had i put any thought into what i want to do...ie sell, stay here or what....i said well i'm looking at my options of buying you out...or selling it or maybe moving away...and he cut me off right away and said what what are you talking about moving away, i said well i'm looking at all my options right now (when things were great with us we often talked about moving, and he knows that i want to at some point). he's like.. oh why would you move, i just shrugged and didn't really get into anything, just said i have to look at all my options. he was shocked.
I feel good about my little accomplishment tonight and somewhat successful db...or so i think. i did cry when he left but i felt good that it was infact when he was gone and not while he was here.
Woo hoo! Nice work, that took incredible discipline! Pat yourself on the back. You really do want H to wonder what's going on with you. Don't make it easy for him to find out. No go out and have fun. If H calls and hears people in the background that much better. Keep changing it up .n him and don't explain yourself. Pretend you don't need to. Convince him you are just fine and finding your own happiness. That's the key. Great work EA!
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
So after our chat on saturday, he said he was going to come to the house to pick up the rest of his clothes early this week and would call me. I didn't hear from him during the day but had a gut feeling that he was going to come here while i was at work anyways. Which irritates me that he does that and i told him that.
He left a note on the counter and i'm trying everything in my DB strength not to text him or contact him. i feel like he is expecting it and i typically have.
i also don't understand why...if he was coming to get the rest of his clothes why the closet still has half his stuff in it and the drawers are half full. I try not to read into anything he does but i do know for certain if i knew i didn't want to be with him, i would get all my stuff out of here asap. i don't understand why he does this...takes a handful of things and thats it. if i wanted out i would get all this sh*t done so i didn't have to have contact......arggghhhh
don't text him dont text him.....
I feel that my head has been in a pretty good place the last few days. i know in my heart i have to let him go and i know if we are meant to be we will. my gut tells me we aren't over and this isn't the end of our story and my gut has been right about a whole lot. I am at peace with that at the moment. I've been practicing yoga alot and working out and emersing myself in school. i feel happier that i have in a while. i miss him like crazy and this isn't what i want but i have to be at peace with whats going on.
i also feel that i can't be angry anymore. i feel that being angry only hurts me. I also feel that if i am to move on (whether that is with him or without him) i have to forgive him at some point and i can't forgive if i'm angry.
Just checking in, nothing new to report at all...i didn't contact him, which i am very proud of...even when we were both online on FB at the same time, i didn't say anything...so a minor accomplishment for me. Doing well with detaching and GAL....keeping plugging along. I haven't cried since saturday and am feeling pretty good all around.
