waiting for the tides to change

[BFloat]

purg - i'm sorry to hear about your uncle.

i didn't really know what the movie was going to be about. something to do with a key.. i actually just wanted to go see something funny and mindless but there was nothing like that playing. was really surprised how much i enjoyed this movie. of course there were moments i was teary but it was such a beautiful story..

yes, it's very important to me that my babies know how much i love them and how much i miss them when i'm away.

i'm planning on spending the day in bed sleeping and watching movies until i have to go to work tonight. does that count as a GAL activity?

[purgatory]

If it's something that makes you feel good... then YES! It counts as a GAL

[BFloat]

last night, my phone died. i couldn't get it to start up again. plugged it in and tried to turn it back on and.. nothing.

i was desperate. now when i think about it, i should have done this but.. i sent H an email asking what i should do (because he's always fixed it for me in the past). i was pretty desperate!

H emailed back this morning saying sorry he only just checked his email... told me what i should do to fix the problem. said if it didn't work he would look it up to try and find solution for me..

did this set me back? i'm also wondering how to handle school things. i find out about things such as school movie nights, literacy day etc through our joint email. all other info i get from slips that S brings home. my gf says i should let H information gather on his own as getting help with that is a priviledge of being married. should i just let H know that he should now check school emails on his own and all other information i guess i would have to pass on to him? maybe just mention once?

so confused on what to do.

[purgatory]

Phone thing- I wouldn't consider backsliding. I think men in general like to feel needed and helpful. But if you've always played the damsel in distress- what would be your 180? However, in this sitch, I don't think there's any harm done by asking him for advice- you didn't come out and say: "fix it for me!" (like a little kid). That's the difference.

As far as the school stuff, here's what I do. I put all paper notices, on the fridge in plain sight- H still comes over 2x a week so he sees them (and S6 usually talks about them anyways.) The other thing I do for days off from school, special class events and generally anything to do with the kids- put on my calendar on my phone. I have an iphone- I have the option of sending and 'invite' for these events- I'll click on this for H, and they get sent to him in the form of emails. He doesn't normally respond, but he can't ever claim that I kept things from him nor that he didn't know (since there's an electronic paper trail from my phone to his email, it protects me from him saying that I leave him out of the school life.) If S6 ever gets a note home from the teacher for behavior- I'll take a picture of it and send it to H with a short explanation. H has been really good about calling S6 later (if he wasn't scheduled to see him) and talking to him about the note.

Just what's worked for us, maybe you can modify some of that to work for you

[BFloat]

i like the idea of emailing from phone. is it a special app you use? hmmm.. gotta figure out how to maximize use of my phone. i really don't want to keep all the info away from him because i think it just hurts my S in the end. i know H wants to be involved.

funny thing.. after H sent his reply on what to do w/ my phone, i decided i would wait to answer because i wasn't sure what to say. i ended up sending a msg saying.. thanks for your help with the phone. i really appreciate it.

in the meantime, H had already sent me another email about D2. asking if she had injured her leg or anything because she was having trouble running and jumping and was moaning and couldn't hold herself up w/ it. but H also said when he came over to her she was fine. i of course asked if she was ok. H sent a video of D2 dancing and hamming it up. weird. i wonder what's going on w/ her. anyway, took the opportunity to firm up plans to have kids call me again tonight so i could say goodnight.

i then mentioned that H should watch "extremely close and incredibly loud" if he had a chance because i really thought he would enjoy it. the whole quest thing.. H would enjoy.. and it was a father/son story. darnit!!! is this pursuing???? sometimes it's so hard to tell!!

ok... leaning waaaayyyyy back.. wow. so hard!

[purgatory]

The only thing that pops up in my head about D2 and her leg thing- is that she might be trying to get attention in some way. She knows that if she's injured, her dad will give all his focus to her- kids learn this WAY too early!!

I used to see it all the time in my classroom... a kid would complain about a tummy ache, or a headache and 'need to go to the nurses office'. Sure enough, they would whine enough, and mommy or daddy would come get them. As soon as they get home- they are fine. I can't tell you how many times I would have an angry parent coming to me saying that if their kid complains any more, just ignore it because they couldn't afford to get off work anymore.... when I asked if anything has changed at home, I usually got the same response: 'we are going though a divorce'.

Kids pick up on the stress, but they don't have the vocabulary to express what they are feeling or to ask questions. They DO know that if they are sick, or act out- they WILL get attention in some form or another- especially if parents are fighting- they will do this as a distraction to stop the yelling. If she really didn't hurt her leg, when she starts to do it again, don't coddle- but distract with another activity (she likes music and dancing?) but make sure that in that distraction- she gets complete attention... eventually, she will learn to associate the attention that she's craving with a fun activity, not playing sick.

(Ok, more than you needed probably, sorry)

[BklynMom]

I struggle with it to. I say dont give him unsolicated movie suggestions. There are so many references each day that I want to share with my H. I keep a list of those things in my mind and share them with H when we are physically together if the vibe is right.

If he engages in a conversation about movies or TV I usually have something on this list in my head I can bring up and suggest to him.

Hang in there. Believe

[labug]

I fight the same battle. We're so used to sharing all these little life moments with them, it's so hard to change that.

[BFloat]

no more staying in bed and just watching movies. something i use to think was a luxury is not something i enjoy anymore.

i am such an emotional wreck that i called in sick for work. i'm going to go over to my sister's and have a good cry. at least there will be someone there who loves me and can say that everything will be ok even though i don't believe it at this time.

when do things start getting better? does it get better? i just can't seem to get out of the tunnel. i want to drive home and just hug my kids and never let them go. how do i find that light to keep me going?

[purgatory]

((((BF))))

Oh, sweetie. My heart is breaking for you know. I can totally relate to the onset of emotions and the panic that follows.

I'm glad you are taking care of yourself, and happy to know that you have a family member who can put their arms around you.

I've said to my H (in regards to my medical stuff) that I want someone next to me who will put their arms around me and tell me everything is ok (even though I know it isn't)... There's something about that phrase from a loved one that is very comforting to the soul. I hope you are able to catch your breath and find a sense of peace with your sister.

btw- not sure if you're into this kind of stuff.... but Mars is going into a backward spin tonight (for the next 81 days)- it fights it for the first few days, and then gives in and things settle down. Mars is just like a LBS- we don't want to do any of this, but we have no choice, so eventually we give in and go with the flow....
By Mars going into a backspin, it changes the gravity for other planets too, and they have to fall in line too. I really do think Mars is a *MAN*- who else would want to change directions, without asking, and EXPECT everyone else to follow their new plan?! (hope that made you giggle a little)