[Many people on here have said to look for the positives, and applaud the 1% they do.]
The baby is sick today. I text H after he left this morning to let him know about his fever. We both became concerned that he might be getting sick from whatever D6 has a the hospital today (since they've spent the last few days together.) H kept texting/asking how our baby was doing, I responded with temperature readings and symptoms. this^^^ is positive
He was communicating back and forth with OW and me to compare symptoms of the kids. I told H that the baby would only drink apple juice, and we had run out. I didn't ask him to bring any, but he offered and came over soon after (1%?) We made a plan for taking the baby to the hospital if his fever got worse.
this^^^ is positive
[I was on my computer the whole time, playing on these boards- trying to seem occupied] H stood opposite of the desk and looked sad. I asked what's gong on and he unloaded (not angry) with how he was frustrated that he didn't get to do what he planned today- "but you can't help when kids get sick". he shared and you can validate...or not...whatever...but the sharing is a positive too. And it's good you didn't say "well, ,DUH" when he finished with the blindingly insightful comment that one "can't help when kids get sick"...he has an adult in there...
He also made a point of telling me what his plans were for the rest of the weekend (non of which involved OW and her kids)... opening up for a reason?? He lingered for a little bit, then walked to the door-
all^^^ positives...
I never got up from my computer....
why not? What was the goal here? To look busy? Okay I get that...BUT
how about making full eye contact when he speaks to you, listening without arguing or dismissing but just HEARING him, so you show you really value everything he says? Just food for thought...
and actually started this post as I was listening to him. I said: "good bye" from my desk H said: "bye babe"
Not negative...but read nothing into the use of the word "babe" b/c he used it with you the same day or week he dropped both bombs...sorry.
But like I said, it's not a negative...
I don't want to overanalyze (too late, already doing it) but was this a good thing that he shared without me questioning? Why do they do this? I know, I know... have no expectations.
yes, you know...no expectations...but be warm and receptive and pleasant b/c you are a fun loving, life living woman with a lot going on for her and in her future...
IF & When he brings up the Div or the OW, then you say "whoah h, I only just learned that you wanted out AND that a woman I considered my bff is actually your interest...so I am behind you on the "acceptance" continuum and need a lot more time to process things..."
you can use that last line to delay any decisions he wants if you are not ready. You have a right not to be ready....for awhile. Then you need to get your ducks in order. I'd see a L when you can--they're free for activie duty so see the JAG officer on base and get their counsel. I was a JAG officer and in most states we cannot represent the party in court but we can advise about the military aspects and what if anything you'd be entitled to.
You have a valid health insurance issue...but now I can't recall how long you've been married...and was he military the whole time?
as for OW? I don't reflect on her...not worth the energy AND not within your control... anything that's not in your control, really needs to be let go of asap...
crucial step to detachment AND a happier life in general anyhow
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
