the anger and hurt DO fade and seem less and less relevant with time. Especially when the WAS makes changes, you begin to say "from this day forward" & letting go of the past...and don't forget,
you are asking that of HIM too....
but yes, in time...
Really, really important messages bolded above!
All who have been at this for a long time, those who have Xs or their current spouse becomes an X...
We have a choice... We can create and rationalize reasons why we are not meant to be with our spouse, how we aren't a match, how we don't like their behaviours... and few would challenge us on that... and while it can certainly be argued it's not... it actually is a form of denial, anger, and bitterness... and it keeps us stuck...
Whereas, we can be positive in the "from this day forward" (in the manner of keeping the road home paved and smooth)... engaging them when they ARE pleasant... and disengaging them when they are not...
Sandi2 posted recently in another thread if we would be "friendly" and do for our spouses as we would for our friends, if our friends were treating us poorly... and the answer should be a resounding "no"...
And I feel it's very important to treat everyone with respect and dignity during the times they are positive...
It falls under that category of doing to others as we would have them to do... or said other ways... setting boundaries or leading by example...
Encourage the good behaviours "from this day forward" and discourage the bad behaviours "from this day forward"... be positive and friendly when you are with them and stay away from them when you are down or in a bad mood...
If we share bad with them, then they will feel it's OK or justified to share bad with us... in the same way that if they are mean to us, we might feel justified then, to be mean to them...
