waiting for the tides to change

[BFloat]

BK - yes.. one day at a time. baby steps. i keep wanting to take giant leaps and have to remember to slow everything down.

that's my new goal. slow it down. it's been about 3 months since bomb dropped and i had expected so much to change by now. i think MC also pushed H out the door much quicker than it should have so.. i need to get to a slower pace so i have the time to make changes and apply them to M. time is my friend.

talked to my babies before they went to bed tonight. that is what i plan to do from now on if i am away from them. just to say goodnight.. tell them how much i love them.. and that i miss them as well. it really did cheer me right up! i love those little beings so much!!!!

something i will also be doing soon is setting boundaries w/ friends. mainly BF.. i understand why she feels the need to say the things she does but, i do not want to hear that it's better that we D now rather than later.. that it's better for the kids if he's so unhappy etc. it upsets me because i don't believe it's better for the kids and so it just makes me mad when people feel they are consoling me. anyone else have this problem?

hung out with a gf tonight. we first had to put her little ones to bed. this is a gf i have known since we were 12. the funny thing is that we have kids who are exactly the same age. both have S5 and D2. just a couple of months apart from one another. never planned it that way. when we were little, we use to talk about how our kids would be BFs and we would have bbqs and stuff together.

anyway.. she had them in the bath and i was just sitting in the BR w/ them (her D wanted me to hang out), i had such a sad feeling that i should be home w/ my own kids bathing them. as much as i love being able to GAL and have some me time, there is nothing i would rather do than be w/ my little ones. sigh.

went to a movie. saw "extremely close and incredibly loud". wow! excellent movie. very powerful. i was teary at some points. if any of the dads get a chance to see it, i would love to hear your feedback on the movie because i thought it had such a great story on the father/son relationship.

now, off to bed to think of happy thoughts only. tomorrow i have to compose my list for the "financial talk" as well as read up on advice to better DB as well as detaching. some tough work ahead. will read DB all over again too.