Together since we were 15...Part 2

[Jenna333]

Hey, hijack away! I asked you the questions I would agree that your H is trying to convince himself. Mine said the same things the first week or two. He is still saying it without actually saying the words, if that makes sense. After he said I love you to me the other day, he was sure to cautiously tell me he meant it and that it makes all of this harder. I read between the lines. He was saying, "I do love you, but I'm not coming home, and I still don't know what I want." Nothing has changed in that department. He's still telling me without telling me that he's not trying to give me the wrong impression. I believe he's trying pretty hard to convince himself that he NEEDS to explore life without me.

Ha! Mine refers to future guys as douchebags, too! Same exact term. I think that proves that he's uncomfortable with the idea of you dating. Just wait until it actually happens. Right now it's just an idea that he hasn't had to deal with in reality yet.

A big part of me is glad that he is conflicted, but it doesn't mean that he'll ever come home to me, though, you know? I don't regret the intimacies we've shared since he left...in fact, as pathetic as this is, I'll cherish those memories in case they're the last ones of us together in that way...but it hasn't helped me at all. His words have not matched his actions. The only thing he's been consistent with is that he's not coming home anytime soon.

Your H moved out today? I see that in your sig. ((Pur)) As hard as it is to have him out of the house, it's so much easier, IMO. I can't imagine grieving the relationship with him still living with me. I knew he was not going to change his mind anytime soon, so I just had to have him out. It was like a slap in the face every time I saw him after he ended up but hadn't moved out yet. There was only a 3-day period that he lived here after he left me, but it felt like an eternity. The first night he slept apart from me (the night he ended it) I snuck downstairs at 2am and slept on the couch with him I cried all night and kept touching his face and snuggled up to him. Ahh, tough memories. I have a lump in my throat just remembering how I've felt. As hard as this all is, I've come a long way in the past 6 weeks. As J would say (ugh, I can't call him 'H' and I don't like calling him 'ex'), I'm making the world my bitch, lol! That's his mature side talking We have so much fun together. Damn him.

Anyway, I don't think your H has had to truly face what he's chosen yet because he's still been living with you. I remember being shocked as the weeks went by and mine hadn't come home yet. I thought for the sure he'd miss me enough to want to be with me again. It's so much more complicated than that, though. I'm probably in the minority though in that I would never want him to live with me after leaving me. At first I did. He was planning to stay until maybe he got his tax refund! That's a couple of months. I just could not handle it. I felt I couldn't handle it either way I was an utter wreck every single day the first couple of weeks after he moved out.