Our story

[kolja]

Update - the conversation continued, as she pressed on with the "we need to get this divorce figured out."

I said I understood, but (following bustorama's example) that I don't think I can afford what she was asking. I again suggested that it would be better for us to let other parties decide what was fair.

She retorted with "wow well paying for lawyers isn't cheap you should know from experience" (referencing my legal bills from last year).

I said "Yes, I know. This isn't what I wanted for either of us." Something my IC suggested I say (she called it "bridging").

My wife said "well it is the best for both of us."

I said "I understand it's what you need to be happy."

She said "Both..."

Here's where I figure I'm probably open to some spears. I said "That's the part i don't with. I know I'll be OK no matter what happens, but I still believe in our marriage. I've put a lot of time and effort and done a lot of learning over the last 6 weeks about how got us to where we are - I'd like for that effort to help me be the husband you deserve, but I understand that's not what you want."

She replied "Too late!!!"

I said "I understand that's how you feel. I'm sorry it took so long, and took this big of a jolt for me to learn about behavior I wasn't even aware of, and that what I was trying in order to improve things wasn't helping."

She said (as others have relayed in stories about their situation) "Hope it helps for your next relationship!"

I simply said "Thanks" - not really knowing what else to say.