Well this has been a rough week. And things aren't looking any better. My H had planned to go to another city for the weekend, but after a small medical issue had decided not to go. Well, after work he called to say that he was going. He packed his things and just left. I didn't show any emotion, and this is not like me at all. Typically I would have thrown a fit, cried, asked tons of questions, etc. He said he needs to be away for a few days to visit family/friends and to have a quiet and relaxing weekend. I am a basket case. My D9 cried like a baby when he left. She has never done that and it broke my heart. He looked affected by that and still left. Before he left he hugged and kissed the girls and surprisingly me too. He said that he would call and that we could call him. He forwarded me an email of his hotel confirmation. He will be gone until Monday night and I don't know how I am going to make it. His cousin that I talked about in my first post (that I think is influencing him) is one of the people he is going to visit. I am scared to death he will come back home with a passion to leave. The thing that terrifies me is that I don't know any of the family/friends he is going to visit - all "new found" relatives through face book. I am so scared and it's getting the best of me that he will be surrounded by folks that don't know me or the whole situation, but will encourage him and hype it up that he should leave, that he's doing the right thing, that I deserve to be left, etc. I feel like I have nobody and no "advocates" in my corner.
I really am feeling so alone, scared and desperate. I don't have anyone that I can talk to about any of this. I am trying to practice DBing and it is so hard. I only want to cry all the time.
My D's are what keep me going.
How in the world am I going to get through this weekend? I secretly want the drive time (about 5 hours) to be a time where he can think and realize the mistake he is making.
He still hasn't been willing to say much about our R. I haven't brought it up and neither has he. This is killing me. I have lost everything and it seems so futile to do the little things I am doing. He doesn't seem to notice or care.
PLEASE help me get through this weekend. I need some support in a BAD way!!!!!
