How do you let go? Calling it quits.

[hope2011]

In our state he has to keep me on insurance until D is final. He wants the truck because currently both vehicles are in my name.

I asked him. He said I was being weird and he was only trying to find all of our paperwork. i am not feeling better about it.

[hope2011]

Busy week here. I have been GAF and focusing on my job a lot and had 3 great accomplishments this week. I am very respected in my field, but H doesnt see that at all. i get my self esteem and self worth from my work rather than a family. Not how i planned my life at all.

H and i have gotten along well this week. he has taken me out to eat twice, opened dors, complimented me.

I have worked hard to not say anything negative to him. Got a new haircut, which he has complimented several times and said i dont look like the same person. ???? I got my nails done too, which isnt something i splurge on but for occassions. That surprised H. I has a photo shoot for a magazine article on my work so that was the main reason for it all. I sent H some of the photos, just professional office shots. All this has gotten him entrigued and i think he is wondering if there is someone else. Good! Let him wonder. I also have had a lot of meetings and deadlines so he hasnt got my focus. GAF is working.

Counseling started yesterday. I went alone. Next week H goes alone. We each have separate sessions once a week for 3 weeks before joint sessions. I think this work out better to work on seperate issues first rather than start off together complaining about our issues. I like the therapist. She is female, hoping H isnt too sexist to not open up. There are only 2 male therapists in town, 1the old horrible one, 1 with no openings for 3 months. She thinks i have caretaker issues. No surprise there. Shes solution based and a Christian and i feel comfortable with her. Regardless of H i do need to work on my issues, setting boundaries, rebuilding my self esteem.

Hopefully on the right track.

[hope2011]

Today I am going to the funeral of a friens daughter, a 15 yr old killed in a car accident. I go to a lot of funerals for work, but watching my friend suffer will be hard. H has asked to go with me, something he would never do in the past. He made a big breakfast today too. I wish I could keep this H.....

[hope2011]

I spoke too soon. H has reverted back to his regular unsupportive pattern. Instead of being there for me he #1 is overly nice, #2 either starts complaing about work (week days) or the house (weekends), #3 throws himself into work or cleaning, #4 tries to make me the bad guy for expecting support by complaining that i am not putting the family first by helping him, #5 tries to make himself feel less guilty by convincing himself he is more responsible. It doesnt matter if he laid around and did nothing the day before, if he took off and went somewhere instead of doing the cleaningor work yesterday to be there today. And while I am off alone at funerals, weddings or other life events alone, he will sit on the sofa and do neither work nor clean. Because he is a child, a selfish, lazy, dishonest child!

But this time, I will not say a word. I will go alone. I do not count on him or need him.

[hope2011]

Eating crow. He decided to stop cleaning and go with me. He did and was very supportive. Lesson here.... If I dont get upset and say anything or ask for support, he is there.

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=hope2011]Eating crow. He decided to stop cleaning and go with me. He did and was very supportive. Lesson here.... If I dont get upset and say anything or ask for support, he is there. [/quote

an important lesson...another one is to Not assume the worst of our spouse's or their intentions.

It makes us eat crow more often for one thing...

and since we know we give ourselves the benefit of doubt, it's only fair to do the same for them.

[hope2011]

True 25yearsmlc. Thanks for the reminder.

H had his first therapy session. He actually went, didnt try to get out of it and says he likes the therapist. We go to a joint session next week. I thanked H for going, his response was 'I gave you my word that I would go'.... A first. I am glad he is starting to take giving his word more seriously. In the past he would break his word and disappoint me without a second thought if he didnt want to do something. i can see he is trying. he also made a joke about the therapy diagnosing him as a narcisist, which was very odd he would use that term. Im not sure it was a joke, he definitely has narcisistic tendencies.

Around the house, things are good. We are joking, laughing, hanging out together. Neither of us is criticizing or complaining. We are talking about our days more, going out together. He is encouraging me to see a doctor and is saving to help pay for surgery for my hernia. Before he would have rather used money on a trip or his man room or the boys. I finally feel like a priority.

I just wish I could freeze us and keep it good.

[Hopeful321]

Hope--

This all sounds like great news. I am happy for you.

I hope he keeps it up.

((((hugs)))))

[Rick1963]

The therapist diagnosed him a narcissist on the 1st session and told him? Plezzzzzzz don't tell me that.

[hope2011]

I asked the therapist about his comment today (personal session). she thought it was odd too. She agrees he could be but didnt say any diagnosis to him and said that word didnt come up. I dont think H has had therapy before me? i havent bought it back up with H about his comment. Maybe it was just an odd joke.

So the jerk reappeared today. He had a hard day at work, has to travel next week. He can set the schedule. When he said he had to travel, i said ok but remember we have stuff going on. Meaning to please schedule around it. He immediately got defensive and said work came first. That he is going to have to travel a lot soon and i wont make it without him. Sarcastically. I was single a loooong time living on my own before him, i will survive. next week i have a ct scan, our first joint therapy session and my deceased sons birthday. Hardly normal stuff. He has 3 full days he can travel around those 3 things. Am i wrong to expect working out a schedule if possible like adults who care about each other? He gave me the cold shoulder all through dinner. Snapped at me earlier for asking him a question about which of 2 man movies he rented he wanted me to put in dvd player because i interrupted him reading an email. I am such a witch, huh?

So sick of Jeckyll and Hyde. We can do so well, then he does this stuff and it makes me want to run. This happens every single time. His anger, bad attitude, rudeness.

I just responded that i would have problem making it without him, to travel all he wanted. I was ticked. And after dinner i told him he was wrong for not acting like an adult having a normal conversation. Hes giving me cold shoulder now. I do not care. I stood up for myself. Jerk.