Seeking, What your xh is doing is quite the norm...my xh married ow in 2003 and still is competitive w/me. It's not about us or the ow, it's all about them seeking affirmation/recognition from anyone they think will do it.
My xh is looking for affirmation for being an airport firefighter and that has come about because of 9/11. Prior to leaving the marriage, he looked at the position as a job that provided him w/a paycheck. Didn't want to do volunteer services, didn't want to advance the fire department...just put his time in. When the PI found his apartment and was invited into the place, the PI advised me that my xh had framed all of his fire department training certificates and had them hung on the wall over the sofa....this was so out of character because xh had often talked about quitting the job. Now, w/911, his has put on on his Facebook page, as well as others "retired firefighter" in bold letters. It's because he can get more attention and interest in him that way. In other words, he is capitalizing on the 9/11 tragedy...how crazy and sick is that?
It's all about them and what they didn't get as as children.
Just be yourself and don't worry about them being competitive w/you. Eventually, they have to get tired of trying to keep up w/everyone. I know I would be exhausted trying to impress people all of the time. Be thankful you are sane, whole and have your feet planted firmly on the ground.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
