Abbey, do you plan on living the rest of your life like that?

If your H really wanted the OW over you, he would have left 3 years ago. The way it is, you are just being a doormat, letting him have his cake and eat it too, while you writhe in pain and jealousy and uncertainty, everyday waiting for the bomb to drop.

If he is ignoring you sexually, then you do have grounds to ask him what's up. Tell him that you are concerned about your marriage, that it is changing, whatever.

In many cases, confrontation is needed for the sitch to play out.

Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18
Bomb: 6/26/10
EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ???
11/5/11 Retrouvaille
Finally piecing....
Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go