Too Little, Too late 3

[purgatory]

bklyn- thanks so much for the photos support! I took down 1 or 2 a few days ago- I didn't think H would notice.... but he did. He saw them laying on the hall table, and gave me a sad look as he picked them up. I simply said: "they hurt too much." (probably not my best DB answer, but I was compelled to be honest in that moment)

I'm working up my nerve to re-do my whole display in the living room (about 26 frames.) I'd like to do it quickly, without leaving the wall blank for a while- so S6 doesn't notice.

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I want to crawl out of my skin!! I can't get my heart to stop racing (I took of my monitor because it wouldn't shut up!)

I had to meet H at the AT&T store to fix something on our account. He came right from work- in his uniform (I've always been a sucker for him in uniform- it was cruel!) At the store for only about 15 minutes- he never stopped texting and barely said 2 words to me. He walked the kids out to my car. [today is the first day of our new custody arrangement- it's his weekend off from the kids, and as scheduled- he won't see them until Wednesday night. We have been trying to figure out our 'family' event for the weekend because he said he didn't want to go 5 days without seeing them.] I asked if he had confirmed his plans for the weekend (he had mentioned that he wanted to take the boys to a new friend's house)- he said not yet.

(this is tedious, but important)
We agreed to do a family breakfast on Sat. He suggested he comes over at 9, I pointed out that the boys wake up at 6 and it would be hard not to feed them for 3 hours. I suggested 8. (here's where it got strange)...
H said: "Fine. Why don't you just make the plan and tell me what it is because I suggested a time and you have to go off and point out all thats wrong with it. It's really frustrating!" (his voice was raised and he had anger in his eyes.)
I said: "Is there something else bothering you? That seemed like an extreme response for this conversation. I didn't mean to upset you, I was trying to point out that an earlier time would be better for the boys."
H said: "Fine. Whatever. I'll be there at 8." and walked to his truck and left.

Does this seem extreme?? I probably shouldn't have made my comment about his reaction.... but I was really surprised. Nothing happened at work today that would have put him in a bad mood- so this reaction was all about what I said.

He got off work early today- that's why we were able to meet at the store. I know that he doesn't go to the gym until 6 (3 hours from now), so maybe he was irritated because I was keeping him from *her* (which makes me want to throw up! Instead of choosing to spend some time with his boys, he's running over to her house to hang with her kids and her! (I could be projecting, but it seems like a likely action)

I'm so pissed I could spit nails!!! He has taken my boys to her house the last 2 nights, while he went to the gym- what kind of "in charge for the night' is that?!?!? And now that he had a chance to be with them 1:1, he runs away!

He said one time, that he doesn't want to be in *this* house with the boys. He would rather take them over to hers so they can have friends to play with AND because he would rather be over *there*.

Is this typical WAS actions?? This is new for my H. It seems as though he's pulling away more now that he's confessed his feelings for OW.

I don't like feeling so out of control with my emotions!! I really feel that I need to get away so I can collect myself back to a place where I can *enjoy* my daily life again. I want to laugh and smile again. I've been very impatient and short tempered with the kids- and that's not fair to them at all.