Too Little, Too late 3

[BFloat]

you and i are on the same timeline.

i was thinking the same thing on my drive back from dropping off S at school. i feel like an empty shell of my former self. i was trying to figure out how i fill up that shell again?

i understand the panic attacks. i have them too. my antidepressants have not yet kicked in. i'm trying to keep myself busy but it's not easy. hang in there.

as for the family photos.. you don't have to deal with them right away. unless you feel ready to do so. in the next few weeks, i'm going to try and make small changes around the home to make me feel more comfortable. just enough to make me know that life goes on. putting up pictures i've been meaning to.. maybe painting a few rooms.. we'll see.

if you can get away.. go see your family. i know you said you feel drawn towards your MIL but i suspect it's because you want to feel a connection to H. sometimes i feel the same. as though i want to contact them because then i would still be the DIL and maybe they will talk some sense into H etc. but, i am leaving it as is. don't want H to be able to use it against me that i am forcing myself into his life through his family. go be with the people you know will love and support you.

keep posting!