Our story

[kolja]

I ski with friends, I ski with family - but if no one wants to go, I've never let that stop me from going.

Another snow day here - I managed to make it to the gym and back, which was enough for me to realize that they weren't kidding when they said don't venture out if you don't have to. So it's been a relaxing day at home with the cats. I'm pretty happy that most, this will be a 2 day work week.

As far as the situation goes, no word from the wife (and none from me to her) since Sunday. According to the bank account, she's in Arizona - apparently that's where her out-of-state job prospect was.

[JustStunned]

kolja, I saw where you had asked Navy about his thread. This is a link to the beginning of it.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...500#Post2122500
Hang in, do the work, some do bust their D, others move on to better places than they were when they first posted. Either way it is still success.

[kolja]

Thanks, JS. Looking forward to reading about his path.

The good news is, I'm already in a better place than I was when semi-frantic and fairly desperate Google searching lead me to MWD's site, the books, and this forum. Yes, everything else being equal, I'd like nothing more to revive our marriage and move forward together, but as an individual I'm feeling pretty decent.

Quick update on my little world - yet another 'snow day' at work. Not so much because of snow anymore, because none has fallen for a while, but the roads (which are hilly, especially leading to the base) are still pretty icy. I've enjoyed it - my little acre out in the woods looks AWESOME in the snow, and the few days have been quite relaxing. I've still managed to get out each day and brave the roads to get to the gym or pool.

[jbnati]

I ski with friends, I ski with family - but if no one wants to go, I've never let that stop me from going.

Good for you, man! That's fantastic!

The good news is, I'm already in a better place than I was when semi-frantic and fairly desperate Google searching lead me to MWD's site, the books, and this forum. Yes, everything else being equal, I'd like nothing more to revive our marriage and move forward together, but as an individual I'm feeling pretty decent.

I think this is the case for many of us here. If nothing else, if you can get yourself to a better place, you'll come out of this a winner.

[kolja]

Today is our one and only day of work this week thanks to the weather - and, thanks to the weather, it started 3 hours late (agian, remmeber school snow days??). Cleaned out the work email, crossed a few things off the list, one meeting, and that's about it. Not a bad way for the work week to go!

Haven't heard, or initiated, anything with the wife since Sunday - so, things are quiet on that front.

[kolja]

I DID have to initiate contact with the wife this afternoon about money - just to let her know the state of things because changing my direct deposit and bills over to a NON-joint account hasn't completely taken effect yet, and whatever her motivation she's practically cleaned me out.

The exchange actually went pretty well (unless she comes back with something angrier tonight) - possibly because I didn't actually use the phrase "you cleaned me out."

[kolja]

Update - the conversation continued, as she pressed on with the "we need to get this divorce figured out."

I said I understood, but (following bustorama's example) that I don't think I can afford what she was asking. I again suggested that it would be better for us to let other parties decide what was fair.

She retorted with "wow well paying for lawyers isn't cheap you should know from experience" (referencing my legal bills from last year).

I said "Yes, I know. This isn't what I wanted for either of us." Something my IC suggested I say (she called it "bridging").

My wife said "well it is the best for both of us."

I said "I understand it's what you need to be happy."

She said "Both..."

Here's where I figure I'm probably open to some spears. I said "That's the part i don't with. I know I'll be OK no matter what happens, but I still believe in our marriage. I've put a lot of time and effort and done a lot of learning over the last 6 weeks about how got us to where we are - I'd like for that effort to help me be the husband you deserve, but I understand that's not what you want."

She replied "Too late!!!"

I said "I understand that's how you feel. I'm sorry it took so long, and took this big of a jolt for me to learn about behavior I wasn't even aware of, and that what I was trying in order to improve things wasn't helping."

She said (as others have relayed in stories about their situation) "Hope it helps for your next relationship!"

I simply said "Thanks" - not really knowing what else to say.

[Rick1963]

Ko Mr Bond told me to get my b@@L's back but I did not understand at first . I tell u the same. You must do it too. Ok

[kolja]

Well, it's kind of cryptic and non-specific saying. I do better with specific, actionable things to do or not do. But if setting up a new, non-joint account fits the bill, that part's been done. I don't want to push her further into irrational spitefulness, but it's to the point where I have to protect my clearance - which can be pulled for financial irresponsibility.

And if not agreeing (or frankly being able to afford) her demands for spousal maintenance also fits the bill, there's that too.

[kolja]

Well, she's off the joint account. I don't anticipate she'll receive the news well, but she didn't leave me much of a choice.