last night i felt so lonely. i slept in the kids room in bed w/ my D2. was comforting to rub her little foot. was also nice not to be in a big bed all alone!
i decided to pick up a few groceries today. it's been my habit to stock the fridge on fridays before i leave for the weekend. made it easy for H. today i just picked up some basics for the kids. milk, bread.. as i was walking down the aisles, i felt panic and anxiety setting in. it was that.. i'm doing something i've done a million times.. but this time it was different. i had to take deep breaths and get the heck out of there!
S5 asked today if he would see daddy today. i said yes and then i would be leaving. S5 reached out his hand gently and stroked my arm. i know he's saying he misses me when i'm not there. he said, you and daddy need to work it out together. we can stay together. it's so heartbreaking. i'm so angry at what he's doing to the kids. what a joke to think that they won't be affected!
i honestly feel like i just want to curl up in bed and sleep. i am so exhausted. mentally and physically drained. i really need a little light at the end of the tunnel!
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
