IB, You have described this experience perfectly...it can't be described unless people have walked in our shoes. IB, until the raw/open wound has healed a bit, you may feel lonely and confused. It's a normal feeling. You may begin to feel differently when spring is in full bloom and you can get outside and enjoy the warm weather and your yard.
IB, I think you are too hard on yourself. You have done everything humanly possible and now it is in God's hands. Be kind to yourself and know that everything will fall into place when the time is right. Don't rush your healing process, allow the wounds to heal in their time and know that you are going to be okay. Yes, in time, you will find peace, love and happiness once again.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
