My holidays were stressful and basically unhappy for me. The only good times were pretty much when I ignored H and just had fun with my kids (even if H was there).
We didn't do anything for our anniversary- didn't even say "happy anniversary" to each other.
I have decided, I'm done. Everyone in the house is walking on eggshells around him, and no one is happy.
He hasn't learned from anything we discussed while we were separated.
- He talked to my boss about me, and still sees nothing wrong with this. Different boss than last time, and this time I have a feeling he was actually trying to use me to gain favor.
- He yells at the kids for the same things he is doing (stuff not put away.... his computer crap is all over the dining room table along with his jackets on the chairs) or for things that are unreasonable and they know better (like washing the pampered chef baking stones.... for 15 years, I've been the only one allowed to wash them so no soap is used and they don't crack)
- he won't listen to the children"s explanations- they're "arguing" (even if they are trying to remind him that mommy said they aren't allowed to ever wash the stones....)
- The computer he has all over the dining room.... school district owned. yup, he's had school property in the house for 3 months, a clear violation and he won't listen to me, even though he's putting my job in danger too (plus it's an ugly mess in the dining room)
- he still can't be on time for anything and can't be trusted to get the kids where they need to be- so it falls to me to either rush, give up something I'm supposed to do, or find a carpool
- He interrupts my dissertation group study sessions and talks to everyone like he's known them for ages, and won't leave so we can get our work done. I know he always shows up to "check on me" to make sure I'm actually studying and not having an affair (which I have never had, he just accuses me of on about every year, year and a half because he's insecure)
- he decided to go back for "leadership" (to be a school principal), but he gets mad when I tell him he won't get hired by the school district as an assistant principal or even a dean since he is only a 2nd year teacher. Apparently it's my fault the district requires experience before you supervise and apparently to him it's a stupid regulation because he managed finances for a corporation before (ya, cuz teacher's, students and parents are the same as an IPO, right??!)
- then he decided he was going to run for state assembly without letting me in on it (but he gets pissed if I stop at the store without letting him know). Still not sure where his head is in all this- he hasn't voted in a single election in about 20 years, he says he'll push his "teacher" status, but as a 2nd year teacher, he won't get that much support from teachers, and wait you say.... I thought he was going back to school to be a principal?? I know right??? Can't do both.... can't even teach and be an assemblyman (in session is 120 days from feb to june- not gonna happen as a teacher!!!)
- oh, and did I mention he can't focus on anything or finish tasks still and still hasn't seen anyone about his ADD?
- Plus, there's a little (but big) incident that happened one night that I don't want to go into, but it was totally inappropriate and I now have pillows down the middle of the bed when we sleep.
So, still not communication, still no support, still no physical support, no emotional support, and no emotional trust.
I'm exhausted and I'm done. The trick is telling in a way that 1) he understands and 2) doesn't start placing blame (although I already know he's going to say I'm having an affair)
