hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now

[MichelleLT]

So I responded to his e-mail earlier today:
I know you know enough anatomy to understand the biology of it. From that perspective what happens is that the basal ganglia/r-complex/reptilian brain takes over from the neocortex and limbic system. It's a freeze response, like a deer in headlights, everything slows down (randomly, I wonder if it ever seems that way from outside, like does my breathing slow down, muscle movements, etc.?). And no conscious part of my brain is in control of it.

The problem is, anything that feels like past situations that have triggered that response will trigger it again since the reptilian brain has no sense of time or logic. And I'm still figuring out what those triggers are (mostly things that could be perceived as verbal/emotional bullying, not that I am saying you do that, but it can be as little as an angry look or gesture that would have preceded a rampage by Neal). And I also don't quite understand why some times are more paralyzing than others.

I don't know what you mean by waiting for me to come around. Come around to what? And how was waiting supposed to bring that about?

As for the space issue, I know you like more alone time than I do. I always tried to be understanding when you wanted to be in the office and leave you be. I guess you didn't have that once you started moving your stuff though. It's hard not to have a space that's yours. I don't begrudge you that. I know the whole dynamic of that changed with the dog, but I really wouldn't have minded if you wanted to walk the dog and then go in the office or read in the other room. When it bothers me is when I don't feel like you are really there any of the time. For example, we got into the very bad habit of watching a lot of TV in the evenings (I think at any rate, much as I love MASH and Firefly and such). A lot of that time I felt like it was a distraction rather than quality time together. I'm pretty simple when it comes to feeling loved and appreciated. I appreciate gifts, flowers, I'll always take compliments, but nothing gets me more than holding hands, rubbing my shoulders, touching my leg, kissing the back of my neck. Maybe it's just me, but I don't find just being in the same room intimate. In retrospect, I reacted the opposite way I should have. I tried to make myself more available to you, spend more time with you, so that I wouldn't miss any opportunities. I totally neglected to factor in the fact that you wouldn't appreciate that because I was so focused on trying to get my own needs met.

I have no intention of letting things fester and go for years. I haven't even been doing that the last 4 years although you may not see it that way.