I've been here off and on for a few years - since 2008 at least. Everytime I think the problem is over, it comes back.
Quick review - I'm 48 y.o., DH is almost 53, _been together 10 years. From 2002 to 2008 we were doing it once or twice a week. After that, it dropped off to once a month) if I'm lucky.).
When the slowdown started, of course I talked to him about it. He insisted that he loves me, doesn't have anybody else, and wants us to stay together. Not secretly gay, doesn't find me unattractive - basically, none of the common reasons why men don't want women any more apply here. He had his testosterone checkex and it was normal. He did have a prostate scare about 2 years ago, but it was just a scare. Anyway, that was about 2 years into the low-sex desert - and now it's been about 2 years since then.
A couple of other factors: we have 2 cats, and DH has trouble ignoring them and continuing w me if they're being especially fractious. The other thing that's been discussed is my job: it is stressful and sometimes takes a lot of me. I don't like that either, but unless he wants to put me on his health insurance and let me stay home or work a lower paid but less demanding job, he's just going to have to deal. ( I am applying for other jobs, but you know what the job market is like.)
Most of the time I feel sad, unattractive, afraid I'm losing him, etc. I did read the SSM book, but I just can't get it through my head that a man can love a woman and want to stay w her, and not want sex more than once a month. Because I rarely get laid and feel like my sex life is basically over, I've been overeating and gaining weight. I kind of feel like, why punish myself w dieting and exercise if I'm not foing to get any reward for it?
If any old-timers are here (Silly Old Bear?) you're probably groaning at reading that nothing has changed w me (except I'm getting fat.) I still love DH very much. All I want is to be loved the way he loved me for the first few years. And I do want it to be him, not anybody elae.
One thing that gives me comfort is daydreaming about moving to a place I'd like better, like California or parts of Florida. Maybe even overseas. I think, if a whole year goes by and we haven't have sex, that's it; I'll start looking for jobs in these other places. If I can't have a good sex life, and the only way to keep the love I have w DH is to feel hurt and confused all the time....well, I feel stuck. I wanr change. (But only change for the better!)
