Letter to my WAW on why it took her leaving for me to "get it".

"W-

I have owed you an answer to your question "why did it take me leaving for you to get it" I have thought about it for over a month now, and I can give you a brutally honest answer.

The truth is it absolutely required something this emotionally painful, this disruptive to knock me off of the path my life was on, force me to seek help, show me that I could be wrong, and make me honestly realize that I needed to change.

One of the books that I read said that people grow complacent in relationships and marriage because there is an unspoken assumption that the other person won't leave. Hence, bad habits and unintentional neglect begin. Well, that is basically what I did. I was even bold enough to INVITE you to leave. Well, you called "bullish*t" on me and left. Nothing I can say. I literally asked for it. I had no idea I was making things so joyless for you at the time. Like I said, I thought I was being the greatest husband ever. I never even dreamed I was guilty of all the things I pointed out in the letter I wrote. Again, I was giving YOU the definition of a "great" husband, when it needs to be the other way around.

I'll tell you the awful truth. If you would have stayed here when I was basically begging you to, if yo would have woken up on 9/12 and said "OK, let's try....", I never would have turned there focus on myself and started to fix what was broken. Had you stayed, I'm betting you would have seen changes for a most a month and then I would have slid back into my same pattern. It is both humiliating and painful for me to admit that nothing short of losing my wife and not seeing my son as much as I'd like to what what it took to open my eyes and mind. However, that is the sad, honest truth.

I didn't want you to leave and hate the fact that you are gone now, but if there was to be a chance of me waking up and realizing what makes a better husband and father -- this needed to happen just like it did. I needed to lose everything that mattered and hit the lowest emotional point of my life to realize exactly how unknowingly miserable I was making life for you. The "soft" approach didn't work. The sledge hammer did.

Finally, I owe you this - it has been painful, lonely, agonizing and sad for me - but I respect what you did and why. You saw into the future and visualized and unhappy, unfulfilled life with me and you decided you AND our son deserved better - and you were right. The person that I was becoming was not the person you needed. It wasn't even really the person I wanted to be. You made a bought decision and I know it wasn't something that you did "on a whim" or to hurt me. You did the right thing for you and our son and your future.

The Crimson that you left isn't the same one writing this letter. As I've said, these last four months have rocked me to the core and fundamentally changed how I view life, marriage and fatherhood. I am still learning, still evolving. I am a work in process. I have woken up and can't fall back asleep again. Thank you for helping me want to be a better man"

She wanted honest....I gave honest.

Crimson

PS...got an unsolicited text tonight: "I am grateful for your letter. I always knew the man you could be. I felt like such a failure in our marriage that I couldn't make you happy or see these things".