hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now

[MichelleLT]

E-mail back to me:

I am sorry too Michelle,

I know that neither one of us ever intended to hurt each other or make the other feel insignificant. We have always been so good to each other that it would NEVER be our intention.
Or at least i should say you have very good to me.

You are right... I didn't understand until last night. I read this right before going to bed and it dawned on me what happens when you are confronted emotionally. What I gather is that you shut down emotionally like a protection mode so you can't get hurt. Then try to rationalize your emotions... does this sound right? Your description here is very clear especially when u talk about coming up for air and getting foam... that I know all too well.

He's a surfer, thus why I picked that analogy lol.

As for issues, I have tried to be patient beyond my ability. Ergo why i became unruly over the past few months... the waiting for you to come around really did a number on me.
I am not going anywhere and so if you want to talk these issues out one by one now I am OK with that.

That's if I can ever figure out what's on his list lol.

I do however need my time alone. It's been tough to have a partner that is constantly there.
That is not a negative on you, it's just something that I have always had issues with. That's what makes it so difficult for me.
It has always been this way with anyone I date... it's just a part of me ever since i was a kid. I was happiest in my room playing with my toys alone. Now as an adult it's sitting and having a whiskey by myself and browsing the net in silence.

Definitely true, and while I wonder if it had to do with staying away from his stepdad and just not knowing how to deal with a lot of the things going on in his life then, I have always tried to let him have his space. There were nights he would come home and go into the office and close the door and not come out til dinner or so. That all changed with the dog though as she needed to be walked in the evenings. Hmmmm. That's food for thought.

You stated that bringing things up when you are ready is very difficult because you are never ready. That's why i hate doing it too...
The problem is the longer they get buried the worse they fester ... take it from me, the emotional train-wreck.
I've repressed issues from my childhood all the way up till about 10 years ago... All it did was rot and made me bitter and more angry as time passed. That is why i learned to approach it right away and get it out. I haven't spent 10's of 1000s of dollars in therapy on myself to walk away empty handed.
The tools I have now help me work through any issues I have.. And I have a LOOOOOONGG way to go imo.

Don't we all lol.

I do really appreciate your honesty and kindness... I do appreciate that you are not dismissing my arguments and reasoning. Most of all I do appreciate that you are now making an effort to clear the air and making a very concerted effort to voice your pain. That does mean a lot to me.