I was wondering--is praying together something your husband suggested or which you requested, and whether he indicated that it had a positive or bonding impact on him?
That's good news, that OW has not been re-hired. About reaching a place where you two can talk about her "without hurt & anger," remember that those are the emotions which you feel--his will be shame, confusion, and also some happy memories of the intensity of what he felt (like good feelings about having enjoyed cigarettes even after quitting). That time will never mean the SAME thing to both of you, even though you will be able to look back on it without pain at some point.
If your H is doing nice things for you for the M instead of because he really feels them, at the moment, it is fine to "fake it until you make it." As for all the questions you're asking yourself, definitely think them all through because once he fully commits will be the time to start implementing the changes you need (as opposed to want).
