i saw that you made three posts yesterday and as the day progressed you seemed to get more demoralized. can you identify any specific trigger for this?
as someone who has been divorced myself, and known others who have as well, it seems that your emotions are normal. i would not associate these feelings with a lack of strength. but i also recognize we all want to have a sense of pride and dignity with ourselves - and that is why it's so good to see you have a GAL strategy going on. among other benefits, it will help restore that sense of liking yourself and believing in yourself. well worth doing for that reason alone.
i think if you could fast forward 10 years and look back at yourself, you would really like yourself - for taking your marriage and family seriously, for being willing to improve yourself, for taking on very difficult emotional tasks.
only you know how long you can do this and when it's just not worth it for you. i do think you are a good observer - the small things you noticed the other night are exactly the types of things you need to notice. no one single thing is going to tell you either way where your W is. yet, if you start noticing a pattern or a trend with these small things, the data becomes more meaningful.
i encourage you - if you have it within yourself - to keep trying out some of these ideas (even if your heart is only half in it). GAL, doing small things differently, listening for feedback, not over-pursuing - these are things you have proven to yourself you can do even though they are all difficult in their own way.
my instinct (take it with a grain of salt, please) tells me your W is curious about what's going on with you.
i hope you let your friends and supporters here know how it's going today. and i'm sure they're with you all the way, no matter how this unfolds for you.
