Too Little, Too late 3

[purgatory]

I am sad.

I didn't even have to ask S6 about last night- he opened up and was excited about not going to the gym... he told me the whole story at breakfast. (got that sickening feeling in my stomach again)

I called H, he had just gotten to the office. I said what 25 suggested: "S6 was excited to tell me about last night, you didn't need to lie to me, it just adds insult to injury."

H: "I didn't lie. I never specifically told you that I was going to the gym with the kids. You know that my plans have always been to drop them off with (her) on wednesdays and thursdays while I'm at the gym."
M: "You're right. You never directly said 'I'm taking the kids to the gym with me', but you implied it and even continued the story when we were on the phone briefly last night."
H: "Ok, I'll give you that. I didn't lie, but I definitely avoided the subject. I don't like that I feel pressured to tell you what I'm doing, and if I had told you my plans- you would have lost it on me (like you're doing now) and harassed me all night with calls/texts because that's what you always do. You even reacted like that this weekend."
M: "This weekend was a shock to my system. And yes, I used to always act like that. Do you really feel attacked right now?"
H: "I guess not, but I don't know how you're going to react anymore. You're really upset about this whole situation, and I care about you so I didn't want to add to it."
M: "I can't predict what you're going to do anymore either- your words and actions lately are things I never thought possible from you. Did you think you were protecting me in some way?!"
H: "I guess. I could have handled the sitch better, sorry. I will not try to imply or hide things from you if you can tell me that you won't go off on me."
M: "All I can tell you is that I will do my best not to."

==============
(stupid me took over) I asked why was she ignoring me, but not him? He said that I made it very clear that if she continued a friendship with him, that I wouldn't be her friend. (I really wanted to clarify this statement- because THAT IS NOT WAHT I SAID.... but I kept quiet.) He asked why I hadn't reached out to her in some way- REALLY?!?!? Are they both stupid?!
I simply said: "I have been punched in the gut. Why would I reach out to the one who did it, looking for some kind of apology. She is the one who has made it very clear that your friendship is more valuable to her- because she has chosen not to cut off communication with you- but she has done so with me. She is telling me that the friendship she and I had is not worth fighting for. I told her what my reaction would be if this happened, and instead of making a choice that would protect our friendship, she chose to roll over and do nothing."
He said: "I can't disagree with you there."

I know that I shouldn't have told him any of that. I know that I was opening myself up too much, couldn't help it. I never yelled, or even raised my voice... in fact I was mostly on the verge of tears (but I think I hid that from him)

Not only have I lost my H, and I have to accept that he's wanting to date my friend.... I had to loose my friend through all of this. I'm mad that she's the other woman. I am also incredibly hurt that I wasn't important enough to her. If the OW was a stranger, I could deal with just being the 'bigger/better' person a lot easier (I think.) It would still hurt, but only from him.

I'm reeling from hurt from both of them, and she doesn't even have the guts to try and reach out to me to apologize or try to rectify this in some way (not that I would change my mind) but at least I would know that I was worth the fight.

I feel really unimportant right now.