Pistol in my lap, letters written, two thoughts and a memory gave me pause to reconsider.
It is an abandonment of the ones who loves us. I will not do to them what she has done to me. I am better than that, better than her, commitment was a core value once, and it will be again.
She predicted I would. I will not give her the satisfaction of being right. I will not give her that power. I will live and live well. I will paint my happiness where she can see it. It will be genuine happiness. Yes I became angry. Anger is a powerful emotion and can be used to motivate to action.
The memory requires a story, bear with me. It was 1937. Mom was 10 years old. Her father, distraught and depressed killed himself with a pistol. The family he left behind nearly starved that winter. They lost possession of the farm the following summer. The memory is of how mom speaks of those times and the anger she has for her father. She speaks lovingly of her father most of the time until she comes to the consequences of that act and the hurt his abandonment caused. I decided not to leave a legacy like that for my children.
There are other people in your life than W and your children. There are other people your life touches. There is truth to the premise of the movie “It’s a wonderful life”. Don’t take what seems to be the easy path. Do the work. Take the power over your happiness away from her. You control your happiness, assert your control. There will be setbacks, accept them, adjust, and move forward again get on with living, and live well.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
