Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (2)

[MAL]

Thanks Ellie. I've been doing this GAL thing and haven't been here as much. Good thing I know.

The situation with RC is the same. We see each other 2-3 times a week, including church. He lingers at times. We exchange texts. Etc, etc, etc....

Some things I am doing differently.... GAL - I said that already huh? lol

I was thinking about the DB days, way, way, way back when I would have given anything for time with my ex. Funny how the mind drifts back to things like that. Eventually I got tired of breadcrumbs (like we all did) and I found me again. It took time, but I got there. We all did - in our own way.

I realized today that I can look at this in any way I choose. I can focus on the past and the R we lost. Or I can focus on today and the R we have.

It's all up to me.

I am fortunate that I have the opportunity to spend time with RC 2-3 times a week. I know that friendship is where any rekindling would have to start.

At the same time, seeing him makes moving on harder for me. The balancing act of being friends, leaving the door open, and moving on all at the same time..…it can be tough and draining on me. Nothing new there.

At least I'm not stuck - like you suggested Ellie!

It can be hard to keep myself from over-analyzing our contact. I try to remember that we are friends, he knows how I feel, and until his friend J is out of the picture, or until I hear the words out of RC’s mouth…I need to assume it is only a friendship.

Another thing that is different now....

I am trying to limit me initiating contact with RC. I usually text him once a week about something lighthearted and friendly, such as letting him guess lyrics to a song. Like I've said, he likes old Civil War songs so sometimes it’s fun to see if he can guess them. Other times I text songs that I know he knows, or I pick an old hymn and see if he knows it.

That usually opens us up to other friendly chat that goes on for 2-4 hours. This trust and friendliness is important if (BIG IF) we ever have a chance of working things out. Or IF we are going to keep the friendship alive.

The last text initiated by me was last Wednesday. Since then, I have seen him 3 times for various reasons, but I haven’t initiated any texts messages to him. I’m trying the moving on “mysterious” thing.

Since that last text, he has initiated contact 4 times. I just realized that this afternoon when he texted me.

Like I usually do, I responded. Light-hearted, talking about what is going on in life, etc…

Again, I don’t want to analyze it, but I do think it shows that I don’t have to be the one to keep this friendship (or whatever it is) alive.

RC is working at it too.

I like that.