@25 Why push her to divorce me? Well, I’ve been going to counseling, and after months of W taking advantage of my finances, I was advised that the best thing to do is to divorce to protect myself financially since there is no such thing as a trial separation in Florida. I was giving her $ every Friday. Then, I would take the kids out on the weekends. Also, I would buy them clothing and extra stuff. My paycheck would practically be gone by Monday. Also,25, I’m no longer standing for my marriage. When she moved OM into the house, it was the straw the broke the camel’s back. I told her NOT to do this since she lived with my kids and she went ahead and did so without taking me nor her children under consideration. And, MIL let the whole thing happen. The situation had left me sick to my stomach. OM has moved in and practically made the house his. You know whats funny? The guy is almost a mirror image of me, my hobbies and interests.
Two years ago, I had my gall bladder removed. When I spent the night at the hospital, W walked out on me claiming that she had clothes to wash at home. On this past Thanksgiving day, apparently, one of the stones was caught in my bile ducts and decided to come out right before Thanksgiving dinner. I had to be rushed to the hospital. I was in the hospital for one week. During that week, W was texting me to give her money and telling me that my kids could care less if I were in the hospital or not. 25, Ive had enough. MLC or not, there is only so much a person can take. The scars have become WAY too deep. All her venom and all the taunting Ive been receiving from both her and OM have left a bad taste in my mouth.
Also, I had met someone through some mutual friends a couple of months ago. When she found out, that I was in the hospital, it was HER at my bedside making sure I was ok. I was holding back from perusing this R because I was still married however, me being alone in that hospital was big eye opener for me and I was shown an affection and interest that as a matter of fact, I have not seen in my W in a VERY long time. I want to pursue this R and Im not doing so, while married. I now see that I DO matter to someone.
And on that note, W has found out about this person and she could care less. There is no road coming back to me. W has made it very clear. As much as I took from her and as much as I turned my face to allot of things, she still kept kicking me while I was down.
To be taken out of my home, ripped away from my kids and have some beer drinking freeloader come into the house and just take up space??? Im sorry, but that is just VILE!
Oh, and here’s the kicker… Now that I have a lawyer and Ive done my part of the D, how shes dragging her feet and sitting on it!
What are my changes??? Well, Ive trimmed down, going to go back to school, Ive become a leader at my church and Im being a phenomenal dad! And STILL, after all her foolishness, Im still kind to her and worry about her. So, Ive made changes and shes still being ridiculous. And, to be honest, Im not willing to risk waiting a few years to see if she comes out of it. There has been a couple of times that Ive reacted to her button pushing and she says “ You see, you will never change!” That right there is ridiculous. To pull the stunts that’s has and expect me to smile and grin??? Uh uh. Ive done for almost a year and I still got crapped on.
For Xmas I got W a bloggie camera. The kids had pick it out. Last week, she said it was stupid and gave it back to me. Also, last week was my birthday. I didn’t even get a card. Oh well…
One thing, 25, that I wanted you to see was that song she dedicated. I had posted the lyrics to it. I had asked why did she do that and she replied, “It reminds me of our sitch”. I asked her, does your boyfriend know about this??? She replied with anger “DON’T YOU DARE EVER TELL HIM!”
@Mach
Mach! Van Halen’s back and the new song totally REEKS!
Im being very careful how I spend my $ right now. I have a feeling that I might be needing it for my lawyer. My retainer is all but gone with him. So, Im still saving up and taking care of the old man.
To take custody of my kids, I will have to prove that shes an unfit mother. Im giving her some more time to do her part and move on with it. Remember, she has a great advantage. She has a home. I don’t. Also, there’s a possibility that my dad my have to be transferred from a ASL to a home. That’s more $ out of my pocket. The kids are not being neglected nor mistreated. So, I really have no grounds…
Me: 37 W: 37 Married Feb 14 1997 Seperated Thanksgiving weekend 2010 No divorce filed yet 1st born son:13 2nd daughter:9 3rd son:4 Trying hard to detach
I bought her the gift so the kids can give her something on Xmas. They probably would of felt pretty crappy if they are opening the gifts and have nothing for mom.
Me: 37 W: 37 Married Feb 14 1997 Seperated Thanksgiving weekend 2010 No divorce filed yet 1st born son:13 2nd daughter:9 3rd son:4 Trying hard to detach
I really feel for you because my sitch seems quite similar.
I have to agree with Mach on this one though.
Couldn't the kids have made something for Mom for Christmas? I know mine did and she's only 1.5 yrs. old. Don't school's usually have art time where they make stuff for parent's anymore?
As for your new possible relationship. Please be honest with yourself and work through your anger. Not for your wife, but for you.
And if that doesn't motivate you enough, then do it for the new person in your life, because she sure deserves at least that much.
If you don't then you will just be spreading the poison to another innocent person.
Good luck, my friend.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
I've read your post a few times between last night and this morning. To see if I feel any different about what I said yesterday to you...
I gotta say, I still see the same things.
I understand your frustration, and I understand why you feel the way you do.
What I also see , is that you still care a great deal about your wife.
And that you sound no different than what you describe her as being.
You are angry You are rewriting You are blaming You are justifying your choices You still allow yourself to be engaged in petty conversation with her, just so you can say I told you so
If this is untrue, then tell me and I will stop....
Thing is Sammy, you are sitting back, finding every reason for NOT doing any work for you, and blaming her for all of your troubles.
You mention the house....
And your dealbreaker is her letting this guy move in with her.
Isn't that house actually her Mothers house ????
So her dating, you will stand for her...
But him moving in you won't ???
You mention your children
Originally Posted By: Sammy
Remember, she has a great advantage. She has a home.
Yep, I remember. Something I have been on you about...
Originally Posted By: Sammy
The kids are not being neglected nor mistreated. So, I really have no grounds…
No grounds ??? Or is it just easier on you ?
\/ \/ \/
Originally Posted By: Sammy
I had a heart to heart with the kids yesterday. They are telling me that they are not happy. They miss their dad and they want me home. They told me that OM is nice but, they want me back me home. They tried to convey this to their mom and her reply was “ I spent years taking care of you guys, now its my turn to be happy!”
What a comment to tell your kids that right now, are such in a crucial development stage.
S13 is becoming very withdrawn, D10 is becoming very attached to me, and really doesn’t like being home, S4 is having angry outbursts and is becoming physically aggressive.
Dammit Sammy....
They are asking you to fight for them...
Why can't you see that ??
They are looking toward you for direction. You are correct, they are in a crucial stage of development in their lives.
What the hell are you showing them with your current actions ???
When my ex forced me to move out and I kept telling myself that this can’t and couldn’t happen to my family. I moved into my cousins basement. I still made the house payment paid the utilities and got to see my kids every other weekend. I let my ex take control of me at first and It took me a while to figure out what I wanted in life. You know what it took for me to wake up? It wasn’t what my ex was doing, It wasn’t the OM, it wasn’t my kids, it was me hitting rock bottom. I got stupid and led myself down the dark oh pitiful me road.
Really look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself who in their right mind wants to be with the person looking back at you in the mirror? When I really looked deep and hard at myself I said F!@k this I am a better man than who I see in the mirror.
I beg, borrowed and sold everything I could to get my life back on track. I got my own place, my D18 moved in with me because I forced myself to get my life back on track. I fought for 50/50 custody of D12. My kids didn’t like who my ex turned into and it was my job to protect them. You are the only one that can figure out what’s important and you are the only one that can make it happen.
You can do this!
Answer Mach’s questions honestly and face those fears.
I might not walk in your shoes but I had a similar pair!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
You are angry You are rewriting You are blaming You are justifying your choices You still allow yourself to be engaged in petty conversation with her, just so you can say I told you so
Angry? Hells yes
Re-writing? Nope
Blaming? Mach, when you are right, you are right!
Justifying my choices? To make a choice, you have to have a reason to do it. Right?
Im allowing myself to be engaged in petty conversations with her? Sad to say, yes. I have to admit, Im still letting my anger get the best of me.
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Thing is Sammy, you are sitting back, finding every reason for NOT doing any work for you, and blaming her for all of your troubles.
Right now, there are several things that I was not happy about myself that Im currently working on. And yes, Im blaming her for all my troubles because if it wasnt for her choice, I wouldnt be having them
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And your dealbreaker is her letting this guy move in with her.
Isn't that house actually her Mothers house ????
So her dating, you will stand for her...
But him moving in you won't ???
Mach, this might sound dumb, but this is what I thought to myslef...
We've been together since we were 15 years old. When she decided to seperate, I thought that she wanted some time alone to think things through, have fun with her friends. When she met OM, yeah it hurt, but to think that someone could live a lifetime just knowing what its like to be just with one person is not very realistic. So I turned my face and sucked it up. But, when she moved him in with the kids in the house? Thats causing damage to them. This, I have a problem with, Mach because along with him, he's bringing his loser freinds with him.
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No grounds ??? Or is it just easier on you ?
I have no grounds. This is per my lawyer. The only thing I can do is file a motion to get OM out of there.
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Dammit Sammy....
They are asking you to fight for them...
Why can't you see that ??
They are looking toward you for direction. You are correct, they are in a crucial stage of development in their lives.
Mach, W is using them to hurt me in every direction. She's feeding them lies and every time I drop them off, she gives them the interrogation act. When I did talk to W and ask her to stop all this or I was going to tell my lawyer, she went to the kids and told them that I was trying to take them away from her and that they were never going to see her again.
Im really trying to put them through any more problems. I will be getting my apt VERY soon, once I do, they will be having more time with me. This is a slow process. Im paying of my debts and Im saving a good amount so I wont have to put anything on credit.
And about fighting for custody... Mach, the cold hard truth is, that I was given a gift of a $5000 retainer and that is NOT enough for a full out custody battle. I dont want to sound negative and lord knows you are correct in almost everything you say. But, it all boils down to money!
Oh BTW,
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What I also see , is that you still care a great deal about your wife.
Well, when I heard about her almost getting in a wreck, Yeah, I kind of freaked. I thought the worse and I asked myself how would I have felt if something did happen. Then, reality hit again... I was not a perfect man in my R with W But I loved her with everything I had. I gave her everything I had. And there was nothing on this Earth that I would have NOT done for her. So considering everything shes done and everything Ive been through within the last year, why do I still care? After all, her complaints about me were that I played too much Xbox with the kids, had a hot temper and that I was not a handyman. This is why she decided to throw me out and bring OM in and hurt me?
Fact of the matter is, Mach, she falls right into the category of people that have lost a few pounds, change her looks and decided to destroy her marriage. And this might sound negative, but no matter how many changes I make, I wont mean a rats butt to her. So Im doing what I have to do for myself and my kids.
Me: 37 W: 37 Married Feb 14 1997 Seperated Thanksgiving weekend 2010 No divorce filed yet 1st born son:13 2nd daughter:9 3rd son:4 Trying hard to detach
the cold hard truth is, that I was given a gift of a $5000 retainer and that is NOT enough for a full out custody battle.
Okay, it is my time to not fight fair for a second.....
Do you want to be the one to tell them that one day ????
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I have no grounds
See below...
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W is using them to hurt me in every direction. She's feeding them lies and every time I drop them off, she gives them the interrogation act. When I did talk to W and ask her to stop all this or I was going to tell my lawyer, she went to the kids and told them that I was trying to take them away from her and that they were never going to see her again.
Are you comfortable sitting by and watching that ?
What are you willing to give up to change that ?
Sammy, I can support your choices , IF I could see that you are letting her go the right way.
But I'm not gonna sit and watch you do this the wrong way, without you answering the hard questions.....
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I was not a perfect man in my R with W
That is the part you are glossing over. Taking responsibility for your part in that.
Until you own those things, you are going to remain stuck in that victim role.
Until you own those things, you will never find the source of that anger inside of you
Until you own those things, your anger will rule every relationship you are in. Spouse, children, dog groomer, mailman....
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But I loved her with everything I had. I gave her everything I had. And there was nothing on this Earth that I would have NOT done for her.
Maybe all she ever wanted was you ? Did you ever give her that ?
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And this might sound negative, but no matter how many changes I make, I wont mean a rats butt to her.
Can I get lottery numbers from you for the Megamillions ????
You don't know that, she doesn't even know that. How do you know what she is or isn't capable of ???
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This is why she decided to throw me out and bring OM in and hurt me?
Thats the dig.....you think she did all of this , just to hurt you.....
Feel like throwin' in the towel? Don't be a fool They're out to knock you out n' put you down for the count Hey, watch the left, watch the right Below the belt
Uh! They'll run run run you round and round It's plain to see It's never gonna stop They'll run you til you d-d-d-drop There ain't no power 'round Can't keep a good man down
Ah, there's still some fight in me That's how it'll always be Hold your head up high, look 'em in the eye Never say die
Ow! Get up and make it work (Make it work) Get up. Get up and make it work
You say that love has got you down Well that's bullshiit Yeah, if this love has got you down Then love can pick you right back up There ain't no power 'round Can't keep a good man down
Walkin' down a dead-end street Yeah, no mercy at your feet They're holdin' all the cards Makin' things so hard, 'fore it goes too far. Kick it
Ow! Get up and make it work (Make it work) Ow! Get up. Get up and make it work
Wow!
Get up and make it work (Make it work) Ow! Get up. Get up and make it work
Feel like throwin' in the towel? Don't be a fool Hey, they're out to knock you out n' Keep you down for the count Now, watch the left, watch the right Below the belt
Yeah, there's still some fight in me That's how it'll always be Hold your head up high, look 'em in the eye Never say die!
Just, get up and make it work Uh! Get up (Get up) make it work (Make it work) Come on get up make it work (Make it work) Get up! Ow!
I dont know if you read this post but W sent this song to me. It caught me by surprise. Plz let me know what you think...
Title is “Monster you made”
"Monster You Made" Take a good look at me now Do you still recognize me Am I so different inside This world is trying to change me And I admit I don't want to change with it And I admit I can't go on like this anymore
Erase this monster I've become Forgive me for all the damage done It's not over Say it's not over I'm begging for mercy I'm only the monster you made me
I'm better alone now See I'm torn from my mistakes And I stop believing that I could ever make things change How much can I take When I know that it hurts you How long can I wait When I cant go on like this anymore
Erase this monster I've become Forgive me for all the damage done It's not over Say it's not over I'm begging for mercy I'm only the monster you made me
Because who I am Isn't who I used to be And I'm not invincible I'm not indestructible I'm only human Can't you see The beauty in me
Take a good look at me now Can't you see I've changed
Erase this monster I've become Forgive me for all the damage done It's not over Say it's not over I'm begging for mercy I'm only the monster you made me
Far away through the pain I hear the angels calling Far away through the pain I see my demons falling
Far away through the pain I hear the angels calling Far away through the pain I see my demons falling
Erase this Erase this Erase this monster you made me
Me: 37 W: 37 Married Feb 14 1997 Seperated Thanksgiving weekend 2010 No divorce filed yet 1st born son:13 2nd daughter:9 3rd son:4 Trying hard to detach
