Twilight zone...

[Navyguy]

Good work Karma!!! Glad to see things moving in a positive direction for you.

I think you are in about the same spot I was in back in April/May. My W told me "I'm back only for the kids' sake". Pretty similar to what your W told you back in Sept.

Now is when the really hard work begins...your patience will be tested like never before. It was like clockwork...every time I reached out because I thought things were going well, W pulled back. Your W will certainly do the same thing. You have to let this happen on her terms and at her pace (unless she is being unreasonable about your D3, then you must assert yourself). She is just starting the journey you've been on for over a year. Yeah that [censored], and it's not fair, and you've been suffering for a long time, but if you want this to work, you can't let your pain influence your actions.

You say you're keeping your optimism in check. I don't think you need to do that...just keep your actions and reactions to her in check. Your optimism is something that will help you make it through this....stay focused on the long term goal, and don't let the hiccups (and there will be lots of them) get in the way.
Not sure I'm too crazy about the counselor telling you that "the counseling could dredge up so much hurt that couples might end up divorcing after the sessions". That is not a solution-based/DB-trained counselor if she is saying that. Sounds like she plans to focus on the past problems instead of how to move forward together. Maybe you could give her a call and see what her plans for you guys are?

All that being said...you are in a good place...a lot of people here would trade you places in a heartbeat. Keep up the good work!