Light at the end of the tunnel......

[Mach1]

So...

You are saying that a custody agreement of Thursday evening , until Monday would be unrealistic for you ???

Something where you look at having one day (or a half of a day) of care coming in to help you ?

I would think that that would be a very workable agreement for you.

I'm not saying to forget about working in a physical way doofus...

I'm saying in a perfect world, and you did not have to work....

What would custody look like for you ?


Step out of what once was, and focus on what could be.

[NYCPeter]

You are saying that a custody agreement of Thursday evening , until Monday would be unrealistic for you ???

Actually - no, that would be doable with help, in fact every other W/E of Thurs - Mon AM, and Fri - Mon AM would give me 50/50.

I'm not saying to forget about working in a physical way doofus...

LOL - it's been a long time since I've been called a doofus...

I'm saying in a perfect world, and you did not have to work....

What would custody look like for you ?

One week on - one week off, with both of us living close enough to be able to co-parent successfully.

[kml]

Sounds like if you had the girls every weekend, about all you would be missing that you have now is the story time at night during the week. And that can be gotten around by this wonderful new invention - SKYPE!

[Mach1]

Actually - no, that would be doable with help, in fact every other W/E of Thurs - Mon AM, and Fri - Mon AM would give me 50/50.

Then work toward that, find a way to do that....

I bet you smiled when thought of being able to spend 50% of the time with them....

Work toward happiness with them..

[NYCPeter]

True...

If only I can get her to give up 50% of Child Support I could easily afford the help I would need on Thurs / Fri.

NY State is weird - one parent is designated as the primary custodial and regardless of it's 50/50 custody, I would still need to pay 25% gross salary to W.

Either way - I knew the title of my thread would work out, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[kml]

25% of your gross salary doesn't really sound like that much, Peter. I mean, if you look at where your money goes NOW, you are probably spending 25% of your gross on wife and kid expenses anyway, aren't you??

[NYCPeter]

Yes - but add in alimony (another 25%) for 6 years and the fact that I need to pay for housing etc - it sure would help.

[kml]

WEll, the alimony hurts, but remember, you get to deduct that off your taxes - remember to factor that into your calculations.

Is there equity in your home? If you sell it, could you perhaps trade her some of the house equity for alimony? Might improve your cash flow for the moment.

[cat04]

[Re: service providers - this weekend during my free time, start scouring the web and firing off emails and letters.

Peter,

I understand that your D has CP.

I have been a Med Waiver Service Provider for Developmentally Disabled for over 13 years in the state of Florida.

First, may I ask how profound her CP is? What are her limitations?

Second, is she on any sort of Waiver? Who provides her respite services now? Does she receive any sorts of therapies, consumables, or PCA services?

I know that each state has their own version of Waiver (it is partially federally funded) and that the state determines what services they will provide.

I also know that in most states right now a "life altering" situation is required for more care hours to be requested and approved. Which this will be.

Additionally, some states have implemented changes to the programs that allow funding to be more easily allocated to services and supplies that the family actually uses, so as not to have a surplus in one area and a shortage in another.

I also know that some of these things may not be available to you until your D is 21.

In a similar situation, with a child with parents living in separate homes, services were provided to the child, where ever she was. Based on the number of service hours the child received per week and when and where the services were needed.

If this is the case where you are, this is something that could be worked out easily between you and your W and the service provider OR the Support Coordinator (case worker) could designate how the hours are to be divided.

Honestly, you may receive extra support from church and volunteer organizations as a single father, but I don't believe any of the government programs out there alot extra service hours because the parents are divorced. The unfortunate part in all of this is that they expect the Natural Support Systems to work together and provide for the majority of the disabled persons needs, regardless of whether they can get along or not.

I will try to gather a list of resources that you may find helpful in your search for care/assistance for her.

[NYCPeter]

cat04 - thanks for offering assistance.

My D10's CP is pretty profound. She is non-verbal and she cannot walk "steadily" without the aid of a walker. She cannot feed herself or go to the toilet on her own.

She is on an HCB waiver program that pay for current respite and after school programs.

We currently get two forms of respite CDPAP (28 hrs) - this is done by my mother-in-law who is paid directly by them. Rehab (8 hrs) - who have been unable to fill the position for several months.

She receives PT, OT, speech and feeding therapy at school.
We also have feeding therapy paid for by my insurance.
We pay for Feldenkrais therapy twice a week out of our own pocket.
The only consumables we get right now are diapers.

So bottom line - I think my W has set up all possible services we can get.

I'm assuming that the respite services we receive will be split in time between my W & I depending on how much custody we have.
Likely my co-ordinator will need to find someone to replace my mother-in-law during my time.

Any comments on anything else I can be doing?

I've got to say this is all a little overwhelming without family support, but something I must do.