Journaling ...well today started out great(sarcasm). W said again to me that the only reason she has stayed with me is because of her father,it'd always been my way or the highway, I never considered her feelings, its always what I want and I hear what I want to hear. Well I was able to do a 180 on all this as I just agreed with her and that took the wind out of her sails. I know it is said to not believe most of what our S says and I really think she is looking for that final explosion from to validate her leaving me and our boys. She has said that her leaving is not set in stone but she does talk about how to handle the finances.
My biggest concern is how my S14 is going to handle this if and or when she leaves. He has a 19 day trip to Europe coming up in late July early August and my feeling is is that he may not want to go after this goes down.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Question for all. Struggling right now to forgive myself for all my failings in my M how have you guys managed to forgive yourselves?
You can accomplish doing that the same way you are advised on this board to accomplish other things...small but consistent changes + sufficient time, and it does take time. It took me 3 years of hard work and introspection before I finally forgave myself. Everyone's timetable is different though, and I hope it doesn't take you near that long. God had forgiven me long before I forgave myself. But I finally got to where I could do it, and I made the conscious decision to do it....and I asked for God's help in doing it.....and I did it! You can too.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Wow Antlers that's a long time for you. Being that I am Catholic I do believe God has forgiven me since I asked Him too. Im working on small changes and introspection. I've been reading Hope for the Seperated and liking it so far. I guess in time I will forgive myself.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Very true words Rick. Iam my own worst enemy right now. Sad part is I've had two R before meeting my W and I felt this same exact way. I guess like most people I don't take rejection well.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Time for an update been almost a week since my last post. Well I've been feeling much better about myself as I've come to realize that I cannot change the past but I can change the present. I've also come to see that perhaps for someone who was a neglecting H and didn't meet her needs that going dark may not be the best thing to do but pursuing isn't going to work either it's a fine line that must be walked and it isn't easy.
The more I've had time to think about things the more I'm learning to listen to what my W is saying and I'm no longer held captive to the bad things she says. One of the things she has said recently is that I don't communicate well so based on that I'm working on communicating when she wants to since there are times when she wants to talk and times when she doesn't.
Question for some of the veterans here. Being that I wasn't attentive to her needs nor overtly loving I was wondering if kissing her goodbye in the morning is the right thing to do or is it pursuing? I have stopped doing it for the last month or so and she hasn't said anything about it but she never told me not to kiss her goodbye, she was receptive.
She really hasn't said much in the way of moving out at the end of Feb, lately. I don't bring it up at all so I guess that could be a positive, not really sure. Strange thing happened Sat. night, well strange to me. The W and I went to dinner with my cousins for a birthday celebration and as she was getting ready she really angry with how her hair turned out so on the drive over she complained about it and I said to her that her hair looked fine and her response was "boy you'll say anything" to which I did not reply. I normally would have been mad or said something smart but this time I said nothing. I ended up going out after dinner with my cousins without my W as she did not want to go so I was able to GAL for the night. I guess this could be another positive she did ask the next day how the rest of the night went.
Not sure what to make of all this because at times she seems interested in what I'm doing and where I'm going. I do not hide where I'm going and do extend an invite to her but it's usually a no from her but it doesn't stop me from going. I figure it's not wise to be secretive of my whereabouts since she tells me where she is at all times.
The past few days have been uneventful seems as though it's like we are in a doldrum state. I'm off work this week and next so it's giving me a chance to work around the house. Yesterday I went over the kitchen with a fine tooth comb. My W came home after work and saw the job I did. I guess she liked it couldn't tell because all she asked was if I cleaned the ceiling fan. Doesn't matter I cleaned the kitchen because I wanted too not for her. Well off to continue cleaning the basement.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
