Just when I thought that the worst of the day was behind me, H comes home from soccer when I was still awake. I quickly turn off the light and pretend I'm sleeping. H comes to the bedroom and changes, then goes off to do some things and then he comes to bed! How on earth am I supposed to sleep when he's laying next to me?
A few minutes of him just laying there he "wakes" me up, and then says "how did we get here? what did I do wrong?", etc. More of 'he gave it all and I gave nothing'. It's so hard to just keep going and saying 'I'm sorry. I don't know. I never meant to hurt you intentionally.' H asked 'why does this not feel natural?'. I'm thinking..umm, because your heart is elsewhere. Maybe 10-15 of R "talk" and he still stays in bed! Needless to say I did not get much sleep last night. I was laying there stiff as a brick, afraid to move so that he wouldn't start R talk again and so that I wouldn't lose it. I could tell that he didn't sleep well either, and that made it that much harder for me to lay still.
It was obvious that friend's talk with H yesterday stirred up some things in his head. I don't know if it's good or bad.
