Ctflor, I've read your whole story (I think) and I am kinda worried for you and your situation.
The throwing the glass against the wall was, frankly, shocking to me.
I don't know that it was shocking. But I do know that I didn't realize how much I was holding inside until I threw that glass. I've been holding things inside for a long time. I'm worried for me too, because I'm hurting that much.
Quote:
I think you are carrying a lot of hurt, resentment and anger from your first M to the situation now. It sounds like you never really processed the cheating from your first M in a healthy way and it's coming out big time. H's actions triggered all that.
His EA definitely dragged me right back to that place, of the pain I went through before with being cheated on, however I think some of that is normal. I went to therapy for a few years after my first M, and I did a lot of work on myself back then. I don't really give that much thought, or my first H, except to say that my current H knew about all of that pain I went through, and went on ahead and chose to cause me that same pain too. That's where I'm pretty much coming from, but I would not say I'm living directly in the past.
Quote:
I really don't think praying is going to help your anger.
I think praying can do many things.... I witnessed a miracle this summer with prayer, witnessed a miracle with my daughter surviving her birth... I believe prayer can help me, but I also believe in helping myself too.
Quote:
I read the situation with the CDs as a huge positive. I mean he was getting rid of that stuff and trying to do it in a way not to hurt you. Yet you turned it around on him.
I was angry seeing them. He told me they were all gone and when they popped up again, it brought me back into the pain I had repressed from last summer. I get that his action was positive, and I'm glad he tossed them. I don't think this process is going to be cut and dried for me. I'm still feeling a storm inside of me.
Quote:
I don't know of anyone who wants to live in a relationship where their SO could go off at any time and have that held over their head forever and ever. You've done this a couple of times in a few short weeks.
Not so cut and dried for me. I'm still processing this, still trying. I can't stop what I'm feeling inside and shut it down. I have to handle it and address it, or I'm going to make myself more sick than I am now. Hair falling out, MS pain worsening, not sleeping well, anxiety attacks. After my appt yesterday, I've come to see how much I have held in, and how this must be faced. I will be dealing with it in a healthier manner, having a few appts with H before moving.... talking more openly about my anger, rather than reacting.
I'm not holding this over his head forever. It's been Sept, when I found out about his EA. This is still fresh for me. I don't know how to just shut my feelings off, as if it were a tap. Something I'll be working at...
Quote:
There are lots of techniques to help get your anger under control.
There is so much out of your control that can trigger your anger. Facebook, a song on the radio, your H on the computer, etc. I think it's a mistake to think you can just "avoid" your way out of this.
Are you saying I should keep looking at OW's facebook? I'm confused. I don't think it's healthy to be going and checking her facebook... There is a lot that can trigger anger.... from what I understand.... in this process, sometimes we will feel like we are doing great, then suddenly something comes along that reminds us of the event.... and it hits without notice. I don't think I'm avoiding, I'm facing it head on.... but yeah I don't want to feel like I need to check her facebook...I want to put OW behind me... if I can't do that, how do I move on with my M.
Quote:
If money is an issue with therapy, you could start with the library and the self-help section. I can think of a couple of titles that could help you grow from this and work toward a place of forgiveness.
Because right now, it's not a good place for you, him or your daughter.
