My W missing my S's birthday is just so out of character for her it blows my mind. She was the one that love to make a big deal about kids birthdays and when we went to other family members houses for kids birthdays they would flock to her. It is just so the opposite of her to do something like this thats all I want to say. I'm glad I get him for sure on his birthday and I will not project my anger on him for sure.
I did consult with her on my trip as I knew it affected her schedule and that's just common courtesy to do so. That's when her trip came up with me. No more scorecard, that is water under the bridge.
The passing judgement question is rehtorical as I know it doesn't help but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen in my mind or others. I would work my best to avoid it. It will limit my talk of the M with her family but I'm not going to cut them off or whatever because they know what they do. I will work to keep things positive or not talk.
I like your motto of keep the road home, paved and smooth; this is not about being right but about being happy.
Yes, I will admit I'm judgmental of my W's actions as she has done a 180 in ever aspect of life possible and not in a good way from the way I knew and loved her.
I will think about the chords that have been stuck more objectively. I do know you 2 do this for free and I thank you.
I had made good progress with my IC and I'm sure I have regressed as things have changed with the stitch and my obsessing started again. I was at a point months ago were I was not obsessing and doing good detachment work. I have backslide for sure.
When things were better I suppose my W would still hold it in and sit in a corner silently looking bothered through her body language but refused to talk about it (this is how she has always dealt with negative emotions that I can remember). She would rather let the feelings fester to the point of anger. I will say that's not how I am, I like to get the bottled stuff out and discussed. That's obviously a point of difference that we both have changes to make. I need to pull back and let her process things and I would like her to share what she has to feel. The sitting in a corner sending me bad vibes through body language was way worse for me than actually talking about whatever it was. I would always try to help or be the fixer because her extreme anger or blow ups would scare to the point that I felt desperate like I needed to help her fix the problem ASAP. I didn't feel attacked really, I felt left out like she didn't want my help, couldn't share her feelings, or she would rather bottle it up until it exploded. She would do this with others as well.
She transferred some money into the joint account today so hopefully that is resolved but I have had to remind her numerous times even though I know she checks the balance online all the time. We will see were that goes and I will work on wording things in softer matter.
When the bomb was dropped it was like word vomit of everything negative in our marriage she could think of and just made it up. I seriously can't recall 2 big things right now because there was not big thing to her it was just everything. She couldn't even explain it to me and still can't to this day.
Itunes-I get your point. I was happy to do it and I will. The giving her access to my iTunes account just scares me a little considering her financial decisions, that's all. I have read The Five Love Languages as that was the first book I read. Then I got shut out by my wife. A review couldn't hurt.
My BIL about walked out of their Christmas Eve family get together because my BIL was joking around like he always has and my W told him to F off. My BIL and his W were ready to leave until finally my W apologized. My BIL is aware of the situation without my talking as my W has left him hanging numerous times when they invited her over for dinner or whatever. I get your point though and I will again work on limited the talk although my W made the comment that if I had worked on my R with her family maybe we wouldn't be were we are now. None of them understand that as they think we have always had a good R. I think my W is projecting her issue with her family on me with that comment. My family is very close which I thinks bugs her because hers is not.
I'm still not ruling out mental illness either but I also don't say that I don't have a role in the demise of my M. My issue is control. I discussed it a lot with my IC and you all have pointed it out. I will work on detaching and my control issue. I will say my mother helped in passing our control issue down to us and my sisters agree as well. We recognize it and do it not with bad intentions but in efforts to try and make things better but that's not always how it is received. I know this and will continue to work on it by only controlling me.
I would like to somehow meet people that don't know about the stitch but most of my world knows I'm married and question where the W or kid is when I see them. Tough to do but I will try.
Me changing is not bothering me. I know I need to change and I want to for me. I have faults and a lot of them as well as changes to make for my spouse.
MIL thinking she is mentally ill-I have posted a lot about that opinion in my old posting so I'm not going to try to re-type all of it. It is not based on leaving me. Please read old posts about this. My MIL is not projecting a mental illness she might have. My MIL and FIL are not married. My FIL cheated on her and his 2nd marriage is rocky now too. That would be a whole another stitch to try to explain.
Read a few posts back to understand the letter.
Mr. Bond-I will work on doing what you have to say. I will get the negativity out of here. No more scorecard.
Me:29 W:28 S:2 M: 5 years Bomb: 7-26-11 Separated: 8-20-11 EA w/ multiple OMs W filed 1/2012
