Wife Left Part 3

[CO1978]

but fundamentally it seems a "marriage" counselor ought to be pro marriage for God's sake...

As I said I hope so as well. The first time we went he did right off the bat have us write down our goals or things we wanted to change in our marriage.

That seems pretty solution based, pro marriage.

I just don't know if he thinks the most important thing for any person is to be self-actualized and if one person in a marriage wants out the other should except it and move on.

He has made a lot of comments to me during my sessions about "What if" she wants D. Not sure if he was preparing me for worst, or (He knew W was going to ask for D) was preparing me to give up.

I guess a phone call wouldn't hurt?

[25yearsmlc]

phone calls don't hurt if you're not weird or pesky...

I think the what if questions are fine imo. I often do them b/c a LOT of LBSers won't even go there and then if and when it gets to court

they are not just behind the curve on the emotional path but also on the legal path and in an effort to smooth the way for a recon they give up things for the kids or themselves that they might not have otherwise.

But let's not get ahead of ourselvves....PLUS

if all the 180s or GAL things you are now doing would stop if you were to be divorced

that would mean the changes are merely tactics...make sense?

So make the changes YOU need/want anyhow for your life to improve, &

prepare for the worst while hoping for the best...

and keep the road home, paved and smooth.

((( )))

[CO1978]

Thank you all for the quick replys and advice!

I decided against the phone call to MC, I really don't think it matters at this point, if I cancel appointment its the same as if the MC is pro marriage.

Other than sitting back and listening to what W says, when I am asked for my input I was thinking of asking MC at session:

I want to know in your professional opinion if we continue to get individual counseling and couples counseling do we have a chance? Can we work this out?

I would think if he says yes in front of W, W might actually listen to MC and put an effort in trying to make things work.

Obviously the reverse could happen if he says no, and would put the finishing nails into the coffin. Good idea or bad idea?

[labug]

What if she feels ambushed? The MC can say anything and if W doesn't believe it, she doesn't believe it. If MC says there is a chance she may just decide to show you both how wrong you are. You're still trying to control her and you seemingly don't respect what she says.

Do your read any other threads here? Mr Bond and 25yrmlc have both posted some very powerful stuff over the last few days. Check it out.

I think your best bet is to just listen and learn.

[Mach1]

I want to know in your professional opinion if we continue to get individual counseling and couples counseling do we have a chance? Can we work this out?

I think that would be a lot of pressure on her.

If he responds yes, then all the pressure would be put on her to find away to do that. It would put a lot of guilt on her for doing what she felt she had to do.


I think she would feel as ambushed as Custer did in the Black Hills....


You have a great opportunity in front of you to learn what is going through her mind.

Put on your blue leisure suit, splash on some Brut 33 , sit and really listen to her dude....

Count to 10 ( ah crap, your from PA....count to three, three times-close enough- ) before you respond : ), and really think before you speak.


You appear to be putting way too much power on this one session.

You should worry about planting a seed before you harvest the crop.....

[tested metal]

As a marriage counselor, I would be asking you why you thought my opinion was so important.

Only you too hold the answer to that.

I agree that doing that is an ambush. You would only be giving her more of a reason to bolt.

Be careful, because it probably would be turned back on you.

PS. They do teach us how to handle those situations in Grad. school.


Good Luck!

[CO1978]

Wow brute 33? count to 3? I can count to 4!

I will definatly look my best, show my best and listen and STFU my best. Thanks!

[Mach1]

I can count to 4!

You must have just moved there

: )

[labug]

Being from So Ohio, it seems Pennsylvanian's must be a lot like Kentuckians.

[labug]

Hey CO, what's up with you?