Together since we were 15...Part 2

[Jenna333]

AHHHH! Ok, this time I need to be smacked! We just fail at doing this properly! Both of us cross boundaries and get our feelings hurt. It's just not working.

For one, he got his financial aid back, so that's why he was happy on the phone earlier.

He just left with the kids for the night. I have to leave for my first night of class in 10 minutes!

I absolutely failed at keeping to my own damn boundaries. I was giggly, FLIRTY, chatty. I had been doing so well with keeping things short, to the point, about the kids, etc. He told me to quit messing with him. I wasn't meaning to. Sometimes it just feels so incredibly natural to flirt with him. He said it makes it so hard on him because he's incredibly attracted to me, physically and otherwise...and he's still in love with me.

That's when I get held up. If he's still in love with me, why is he doing this?! Then it comes back to the 'love isn't enough' aspect. He got pretty upset and started crying, practically shouting at me, "Do you know how hard it is for me to see you changing like this?! To see you doing everything for yourself that I wanted you to do while you were with me? It makes me feel like I wasn't good enough!" I said, "If you see no hope in us, why does all of this bother you so much?" He said, "I never said I saw no hope in us." It's just...what the hell It makes me want to scream at him THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! You know things would be so different! Better!

I made a comment about how I'll have a drink after class tonight (I won't get out until after 10pm). He assumed that I meant I was having a drink WITH someone (I'll be going to my brother's bar just to hang out with him and chat) and he took that and ran with it. He said it makes him so angry at himself for being a hypocrite and that he shouldn't let it get to him. He said he needs to be a stone wall when he's around me, because otherwise everything is going to get to him.

We calmly talked after that. Then I screwed up even more and gave him a hug and told him that I missed him. He said he missed me, too.

This was just what I needed before class.