I hear what you are saying about thinking positive.. and you're right. I do need to open my mind up to the possibility of God's miracles. He has changed my heart.. why should I put limits on what he could do for w.
That being said, I still need to guard my heart as well. I do want a deep relationship with w, but at this stage.. I can't handle the wishy-washy behavior.
Yes I am aware that she knows I'm ignoring her... but as West pointed out.. I need to do what's healthy for ME now.
If it's weird.. so be it.
I won't do myself, my w, or my m any good if I don't figure out me!
That is where I am at with my life. I want to move forward with my best foot. Look deep into my soul and define the actions and values that makes a "loving Val"
and it may be that my w doesn't have those same values. I'm okay with that.
I accept where she is on her journey.
Journaling:
Interesting tid-bit. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow so I called my Cobra insurance to make sure everything was taken care of......
........ when they informed me that as of yesterday, I was reinstated under w's insurance.
I asked as many questions as I could. My w and I moved to LA right as Prop 8 passed so she has the ability to take me off of her insurance at any time.
The Cobra company said that they couldn't say if it was her or her employer..
Maybe that was what w wanted to talk about last week??
It was SOO hard to not call w and straighten this out.. but I didn't. I've been reacting enough recently.
I still don't have the answers so I still think the NC is what I need to do.
However - I will probably email my wife to see if was a mistake or make her aware. It's a few hundred dollars that would continue coming out of her paycheck.
I'm not that kind of person. I can't willingly allow that to happen and at least not talk about it.
But an email is all that is required. No phone conversation necessary.
And I will wait the 48 hrs. That rule works really well for me.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
