I need help please.......so conflicted

[seanna]

Thank you so much for your reply. you know, you feel like you're totally alone and nobody understands....I have tried. For years. I'm feeling trapped because of the kids, because weve been together 20 years, because my dad's dying and I dont want the kids to have double trama in the upcomming months, but I'm starting to really get depressed.

It wouldve been fine I think,if he just didnt contact her that one last time. We were working on things. I was just starting to be able to breathe again without looking over my shoulder.

Then this past December 11th, I got the intuition again, and I was right on. Why the eff did he go back there again? I understand that people get depressed, but to go over there to try and see if she's still waiting for him? UNFORGIVABLE!!

He swears he wasnt trying to strike things up again,but I feel he was. Maybe not right now but I most certainly feel he was making sure she was still waiting the 10 lifetimes that she promised she'd wait for him before.

I'm so angry. He doesnt deserve me at all. I just dont see why he wont leave. he keeps saying we can co-parent if I dont want to be married. I dont want to co-parent. I want a life...without him.

He ruined so much of my life. He had a great job, i didnt have to work, we had a good life, kids, a house in Huntington Beach, everything. Then he had the affair, lost his job, got arrested twice, went to rehab for rx meds. My life is [censored] now.

I need to get some balls and just do it. Why am I so scared? I'm 43, I can support myself, on the outside i look as if I have it all together, but inside I'm a mess.

It's nice to hear your story. I kind of feel we have some of the same issues and you made it through which is very encouraging for me. Any tips you can think of, throw my way.....I apreciate it. Thanks so much for sharing you story.