I will HAVE to skype with hims for the kids, but I can make myself 'unavailable' and step aside while he talks with the kids.
I do have one concern about one of your suggestions: Making choices on my own and just telling him about it. *This* was a symptom of our break-up: I was *too* independent (while he was home and deployed.) He always said that he felt like I didn't need him at all in my life because I never asked his opinion nor asked for help. I totally understand your reasoning for these actions- but I think it would be another reminder to my H of why he left me. I will not be completely needy of him, but I do want to show him that I value his opinion and he is still needed in my life for our kids and our house- this is a 180 for me.
I also don't want to run the risk of OW being the 'needy' one (since she already is.) H thrives on being a problem solver- I don't want her to be the only one asking him for help... because that just encourages his decision to leave me. [I KNOW that I shouldn't allow projections/assumptions about them to drive my actions]
oh my gosh yes, then of course do the 180 for YOU guys. Above was OUR 180. Sorry, I should have put some sort of disclaimer on that. And I hope you can get in that fine line of showing him he is valued/needed WITHOUT being needy. THATS darn tricky!!
