feeling like giving up.....former DBing against OW

[imthemom]

Journeling, Venting..what ever you want to call it...

Long weekend, Didnt have much planned because I wanted to get caught up around the house, so did alot of chores and laundry..My S28 called and took me to dinner Saturday night so that was nice. We got to chat and get caught up, and he brought my bday present over(yeah, a little late ..boys!!) Funny little story..Friday after H had picked up S14, he called and said they had forgot the cord to his game and he was going to run over and get it..mind you im just home doing laundry. I ran and put on the sexiest dress I ownded and my 4 inch hooker shoes and lots of perfume...LOL!! when he got there i answered the door said "you almost missed me, im leaving in a few minutes"...of course H didnt even acknowledge that I was dressed up but it was better then answering in sweats!!..LOL!! I had been talking to my BFF on the phone, i called her back and we laughed for like 30 minutes.

Got up Sunday and did a 5 mile run, Im working on getting back up to 5 days a week like I use to but there are some mornings I just cant make myself do it...I always feel so good after so Im trying to remember that, and Ive started back with my Crossfit gym..got in there 2xs last week and going today after work, my norm there was 4xs a week so Im getting there..:) My deadlift [censored] now so I have some catching up to do..before this I had gotten up to a 200lb deadlift...I couldnt even get that off the ground last week..bummer.

H is still becoming increasingly friendly...He even came in and helped me fix a door on Sun. when he dropped S14 off. we worked together and laughed and chatted, but then Monday I was upset because I found out he lied to S14 and told him he had to work so he couldnt stay at his house an extra night. I knew he had the holiday off and figured it was because the ow usually comes over on sun. nights after S14 has been there all weekend. I text him and called him on it and he admitted that he shouldnt have lied..I made a really crappy comment about the fact that hes sober and has made so many changes (he says that all the time)..I said lieing, cheating and manipulating...great changes on your part..you should be so proud. I know..not the best but it did start a convo..he didnt respond but called about an hour later and we had a good long talk about the fact that calling him on that made him realize that he has lots of stuff to still work on,and he is a work in progress, that he never ment to cause the pain he has caused and he knows I dont deserve this. He ended by saying that he really enjoyed helping me with the door, it reminded him of good times with us. and that he does think of us...I take all of this with a grain of salt...he is still seeing ow, so I dont think he feels that horrible about the pain he caused..hes still causing it. And I really wish this had come at a differnt time and not right after settelment papers had been drawn up and he was so shocked at the amount he would have to pay.
Im glad I called him on it..I feel like I have to set boundries on what Im going to enable him to do. but I do need to work on my delivery...LOL. still working on detaching...I know, it doesnt sound like it but I am...vision is getting clearer..I think...