that's perfect, rick! you have a fairly well structured division of chores and have practiced that division for some time. it provides a great opportunity to "shuffle the deck"/turnover the system without it having any apparent agenda. you would do this by - without fanfare - simply assuming some of the chores that she would not feel territorial about.
there are some who would say, and i might be among them, that any disruption of the status quo, even if it's seemingly unrelated to the problems or issues - can be potentially beneficial and almost always informative. you don't even need to know where it's headed for it to be useful.
one possible result is that it might create some confusion or uncertainty or her part. please understand this - i am not suggesting this as some kind of mind game - but i am suggesting that "confusion" disrupts the highly negative prism through which she has been viewing your relationship. you can't do this directly because she will likely become defensive or suspicious and simply maintain her negative mind-stance. so, instead, you do this with simple actions and then observe the results.
does she react at all? if so, how? does she seem to resist? if so, does she tell you why or can you sense why? if she asks why you are doing it, just say because you want to. if she objects, and she is used to you just folding, then do something different. if she objects and she is not used to you folding, then just say no problem, she can keep doing it. the theme here is pattern-breaking and observation.
i think you are wise not to over-pursue her and counseling. it is possible she will see your GAL results and other changes and be attracted to the process. let her get there on her own.
from reading back over your thread i'm so glad to hear your overall mood is better. rock on!
