(((Pur))) Pain is often a catalyst for growth. I've just come to accept that he's not coming home. I can't focus on it anymore. It was eating me alive. I have my life to live, ya know?
School starts for me this evening! I hope I'll adjust to the schedule pretty easily. I'm usually asleep by 10 since ex left me. I used to wait up for him to get home from work, so that meant staying up until midnight often, or later. But my sleeping schedule has been weird since he left. I'm often asleep by 9 or 10 and I'm up at 5 or 6. Not cool! Ex has mentioned that he's still hardly sleeping. He tells the kids he sketches at night. He's taken up sketching as a hobby. He's always been interested in drawing, but never took the time for it before. He showed me a sketch a couple of weeks ago and it was pretty good!
Whenever I'm gearing up to do something new, my strength waivers I start thinking about him and I feel sad that he's not here cheering me on and showing me how proud he is of me. He says he is when he's here, and I know he is, but it's not the same. He is resentful of me in a large way, and he's depressed about his school situation. I'm so thankful for the support that I have, and I do have a lot. I just feel alone without him still, kwim? I'm getting used to it, but times like these are when I struggle with it most. I can't believe it's going on 6 weeks. So much has changed since he left. And a month from tomorrow the kids and I will be moving into our own apartment! Ex mentioned yesterday that he definitely won't be crossing boundaries over there, or something like that. I think he just feels so comfortable in this house, even though he's never liked this house.
I know going up and down is normal in this process...missing him so much that I'm brought to tears some days, then feeling like this was the right decision and we're both better off other days It's really a shame that we both couldn't get our sh!t together while we were together. He says that often. Maybe someday we'll be together again. Maybe not. The trust issues make me cringe. I like not worrying about him lying to me. It's a relief.
I guess I just see his point in a way, that we both need to live our lives separately and if they lead back together, then it's meant to be.
Feel free to smack me for talking like this.
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
I start thinking about him and I feel sad that he's not here cheering me on and showing me how proud he is of me. He says he is when he's here, and I know he is, but it's not the same. He is resentful of me in a large way, and he's depressed about his school situation. I'm so thankful for the support that I have, and I do have a lot. I just feel alone without him still, kwim? I'm getting used to it, but times like these are when I struggle with it most. I can't believe it's going on 6 weeks. So much has changed since he left. And a month from tomorrow the kids and I will be moving into our own apartment! Ex mentioned yesterday that he definitely won't be crossing boundaries over there, or something like that. I think he just feels so comfortable in this house, even though he's never liked this house.