Something else that causes me pain Gineen is when I think back on all of the pleasant memories. How do I 'let go' of those?
I think you let go by deciding every day that you did the best you could with the tools that you had at the time. Those pleasant memories that you have. They are not just an illusion in your mind, they are very real experiences that you lived.
To NOT honor those, I feel as though you do yourself a great injustice. I think you do your children a great injustice.
Look buddy, the last thing I want to do is to make you feel like I am bashing you, so I will call truce before you read further, and please know that I am only speaking from the heart here, from what I went through. I wasn't much different than you are when I had to deal with these things.
It's okay to miss her, it is okay to long for those days once again. It is okay to think that you could be different in the past.
You have to honor those feelings inside of yourself.
To make a mockery of what was good, can make you no different than what you accuse your ex of doing.
I have read here often about treating the WAS as if they had passed on. How would I honor that memory of them if they were no longer with us ???
That was a road I had to choose to go down.
Over 4 years removed from any meaningful contact with my ex....I still miss her.
I miss the girl I married though, not the creature she has turned into. I choose to honor what we had together, and what we created together. That is what guided me toward letting her go with love instead of any kind of anger.
I am sad over what we can not have in our future.
I put my faith in God, that he knew the master plan, and that I have a future for me, that did not include her.
God put his faith in me, to allow me the free will, to do better with what he has planned for me.
Originally Posted By: Antlers
She chose me to be the father of her children. There must have been some good for her to choose me for this most important role.
There was good, don't let her steal that from you. By allowing her to affect your memories, you are giving her all of the power over you.
Let her think what she will, that will not change your truth.
She knows her role in this, and it was probably far worse than yours.
You own your role, now let her own her role.
She NEEDS to push you down so that she can get up. She realizes that she holds no power over you when you are doing well.
A person is only capable of giving outwardly, what they feel internally...
Originally Posted By: Antlers
Since her awful text, I still text her about once a week to let her know I'm thinking of her, even though I get no response from her.
Good for you....
She needs to SEE the truth for herself. This could take a long time, but over consistent actions on your part, you will slowly see a change.
A little story if I might.....
A Father and son had been struggling for months on their relationship. Neither of them felt any different about each other inside, yet they struggled to find a common ground. Something that they could both find happiness in .
As time went on, the Father struggled with how to reconnect. He tried everything that he had memories of he and his Father doing. He tried to take him fishing, hunting, he purchased an old car to restore. They had fun at first, yet after a while, his Son lost interest in these things. He would rather play video games, watch TV, or go with his friends to play baseball. And to top it off, the son was starting to show an interest in girls.
One day, early in the spring, the Father watched as his Son once again race down the driveway to play ball with his friends. And the idea hit him...
He would take 1 month during the summer, and travel around the country to see a professional baseball game in every stadium.
So late May, they packed their bags and headed out on the road. Every night, there was a new city that they got to see, and what started out being about baseball, turned into them talking more and wanting to do more things other than baseball along the trip.
They experienced many new things, and talked about subjects that a month ago, were not even approachable.
The last night of their trip, they were sitting in Fenway Park. The Father was talking to a man that was sitting in the row in front of him, while the Son was down by the field watching batting practice. The Father was telling the man about their journey and their experiences along the way. What he had gained compared to what he was losing by not being at work.
The man looked at the Father and said...
" You must really love baseball a lot"
And the Father said...
" Not really, but I love my Son that much"
Antlers, you can still make a difference, and I know how badly you want that...
My advice to you is to keep doing what you are doing. Consistent actions every day.
Let them SEE the truth in you....
I don't know if any of this helps, just thought I would lay that out there....
