not enought time and too much distance

[any chance?]

I have firmly decided that 2012 marks the beginning of a new and different life. I have been extremely supportive and caring for my STBX throughout this ordeal, and it is very easy to feel like it was all for naught. I am trying not to do that, as Gunny and Grace are saying. I have accepted responsibility for the failure of our marriage,and the mistakes I made are very clear to me. If only I could have seen them sooner, but in the WAW world that was not to be.

I must admit to having a very hard time at this point dealing with the absolute dismissal of me and everything our R stood for by my STBX. It as if she does not care if I live or die, and that I am nothing but a bad memory that needs to be excised from her life. I think about her constantly, worry about her, wonder about her, and, yes, loving her despite all we have been through. Guess I always will. The fact that she can so easily expunge me from her life and memory cuts to the core of my soul. She has discarded absolutely everything about her previous life (except numerous mementos, photos, etc), and has apparently started a new one. The fact that the next time I hear from her will be on the phone in a judges office a week from Friday, and that I will never see or speak to her again, is absolutely mind-blowing. I feel like a huge part of my soul has been cut out, and I cannot do anything about it.

Thanks for listening. Life has to get better.